Thread: Mind My Mirror

Yesterday
I heard
a thought
reflected
back at me.

Brought out
mothballed
memories.

Its origin
was not
a mystery.

Echoed
like a
voice
in
open
space to
the east.

Nobody
lives on
the lake.

Must be
a mind
all the
same.

I may have
made
a mistake.

Reminder.

Life
is a
funhouse.

(So I tell
myself)

Mind
the mirrors;

reflections
become
obsessions
when
old
habits
reappear.

Edge, I love the effect this has when read out loud. This stanza sounded very much like an echo, the way you've written it. Wonderful!

Echoed
like a
voice
in the
open
space to
the east.

Hi Edgewise

I love the minimalism of this especially the last verse. One word per line is particularly effective to slow down the read and the sound of the letters works well.

You could tighten even more

Yesterday
I heard I think you could lose this line
a thought
reflected
back at me.

Brought out
mothballed
memories.

Its origin
was not
a mystery.

Echoed
like a
voice
in the delete - the - it isn't needed
open
space to
the east.

Nobody
lives on
the lake.

Must be
a mind
all the
same.

I may have
made
a mistake.

Reminder.

Life
is a
funhouse.

(So I tell
myself)

Mind
the mirrors;

reflections
become
obsessions
when
old
habits
reappear.

I enjoyed this, thanks for the read.

Enjoyed this also, Edgewise

interesting thoughts in the poetry section of late.


the last stanza I really liked.

thanks for the read

Sync

Gumby and Shadows, thrilled that the structure had the effect it did on you. I am trying to pare down my pieces and see if I can do as much, or more, with less. Shadows, "I heard" is necessary, if only for the sake of accuracy. I agree with your second suggestion and have removed "the".

Danke Sync.

i liked this piece very much. It really does have a nice sound when I read it aloud. Is S3 Nobody lives on the lake the echo of the voice? If so, maybe it could be in italics to offset. If not, never mind. Very well done, Edge.

I read this piece when you first posted it and am only now getting to reply. I usually connect to all your pieces and this one is no differet. With a deft hand, you've whittled this down to perfection. It is lovely, concise and well-crafted. Keep rocking the mic, Edge, and raising the bar.

J

Love this, Edge, especially those last two stanzas, superb. Now that you've got a great handle on whittling, perhaps you can give me some pointers, I'm such a hopeless blabbermouth. You know, dear, the way you've been branching out all over the place so admirably has been a joy to read. Kudos.

Opening stanza hit with a real punch straightaway, it's very compelling. I like the way that it follows a thought process and then comes back to the original reflection, as thoughts often do. Also liked the double meaning of 'reflection' here, it was artfully done.