Thread: Cloud Illusions

He acts strange,
talking dreams and schemes
floating on cloud illusions
when not asleep.

Too often
he repeats the same question
never hearing my answer.

I’m tired of dancing
away from his reach
as he clings child-like
despite my - no

Something’s lost
but he doesn’t see
his world spins backwards
out of time with mine.

Yet I can’t leave.

Hello Shadows

a sad story told well. In a way I thought the last line went too far but without, it feels missing. so well done because the 'can't' can mean anything.

thanks for the read

enjoyed

Sync

Hi Sync

Thank you very much for reading and your thoughts. Originally I had it without the last line but as you say, it felt incomplete so I'm glad you felt that too.

Shadows, not meaning to sound too abstract or concrete, but are you speaking of an aspect of yourself? Sad, indeed, but I think you need to nail down this "character" a bit more. Because I really don't have an idea of who your protagonist is, I'm in a bind. Once I understand a bit more I might be able to make some suggestions.

Yet I can’t leave

I did like the succinct drama/frustration of the ending. Silver

Hi Silvermoon

No, he isn't an aspect of myself but someone else, who spends his time talking fantasy scenarios (hypotheticals) or sleeping. He has regressed to child-like behaviour but doesn't see that he is any different than he was.

I will look at how to make him clearer.

Thanks very much for reading and commenting.

I love the sad poignant feel this one has, there seems to be a touch of guilt at the end too, which adds another layer.

Thank you Gumby.

Shadow, I've gone over and found it a bit more clearer.

And I love the following. One would associate dreaming but we discover he's wide awake in his own reality. Floating on a cloud's illusions. A nice twist.

Very good! Silver

Hi Silvermoon

I'm glad it is clearer now. I have the same trouble - I read a piece late at night and my brain just doesn't function properly. Come back to it in the morning after a sleep and it all makes sense.

I'm going to plagiarize Gumby and also call it poignant. Very nice, Shadows, love the sombre tone . I know a few people that this poem reminds me of, people whose minds I can never connect with.
-cae

thank you Caelum for reading this and for your thoughts. I wonder if anyone can connect with their minds. I can't

Hi Shadows,

I absolutely get the whole emotion here. A feeling of want to shake off something, but feeling otherwise. And the drawback? Arrrrrgh! Nice theme, nice wordings.

Fox....

Thanks very much for the visit to this thread Foxryder. Arrrgh the drawback about sums it up.

I love this, Shadows, get it completely. I suppose on my days you wear my shoes.

Thanks very much Lisa - the same size shoes