Thread: Light Trespass

Light Trespass

Spires rise to meet the sun.
Piercing clouds and dew they stab at morning.
They terminate in jagged edges shearing humanity away.
We are leaves in a forest floor paved with blood and stone

Hi playerpiano

Strong images of the spires in the first two lines but I got lost in the next two. I didn't understand how the spires sheared humanity away nor did I make the connection between the cityscape and leaves in a forest.

I too liked the strong images of the first two lines, and though I see what you're saying in the last two, I think you can make it clearer. In such a short piece as this, the images need to be crystal clear for it to have an impact. Just my opinion.

Spires rise piercing clouds and dew to stab at morning,
terminating in jagged edges,
they cast such shade we can not see the stars.

An ambient canopy that does not shield our hearts,
from the unrelenting glare of noon,
But deprives our dreams of cool illumination.

Mans ambition sewed this concrete jungle,
Rendering humanity leafs in a forest floor
paved with blood and stone.