Thread: The Dust

removed

I really like this, Gumby. On first read, I don't really catch any flaws. It has me curious, though, as to the inspiration. I wondered if it was inspired by some Hollywood biography or something.

J

Just read this twice and learned a new word, too. It's a stunning read, I'm really wondering, like jpat, what inspired this. I keep thinking Princess Di but it might be someone more current?

I agree with Foxee. Stunning. Perfect. Is this an archetype of the abused actress, or something more specific? It certainly works in both senses, although all the details seem to suggest the latter.

Hi Gumby

I really like this. You show so well the kind of relationship they had, the secrets behind the glamour of stardom and how it killed her. The second verse is my favourite.

Liked this composition and how it flowed.

There were a few points where I was caught up on the rhythym (please forgive the liberty I take to respond in such a way, just some initial considerations especially for you ):

- In stanza 1, the pauses on the second, fourth, and sixth lines seem a little too lengthy, expecially when compared to the fairly regular rhythym found in most of the rest of the poem. Perhaps something like 'even if or when he did', 'and straight into her Id', and 'of his cold and dampened earth' respectively?
- In stanza 2, the flow of the first two lines caught me, though an alternative didn't come to mind
- In stanza 4, on the fifth line, perhaps 'The flame did soon surrender'?

By the way, loved the use of 'adipocere' with its implications of death in addition to fitting into the candle metaphor.

Also thought of something Hollywood. A celebrity captured by the public eyes, the snapshots and of course the glitz, but in truth - just like what some public figures do experience behind the spolight - this poem is a very moving piece. It's speaker is like a listener in the storm...tells much of this 'dirt'.

Pls I would like to point out something (Like JB, I intend no direspect but am kindly suggesting): Stanza 1 seems to bear some burden due the length of some its line. Wish I had any available suggestion, but maybe you could go around the periods (already introduced) once again.

Apart from that, this is a wonderful piece, Cindy. I am still wondering the source that inspired this.

Hello

sad indeed, sadder still that it could be so many.

there are all sorts of monsters out there, and too many get away with murder.

nicely written

thanks for the read

Sync

Okay, Milady, spit it out, what was the inspiration. Technically flawless, absolutely fantastic imagery, just...I don't know, I guess perfect. You've outdone yourself, Cindy. Not sure it I'm right, but the title has a double meaning for me, and S2 is simply to die for, what a way to describe abuse. Excellent effort, love, kudos.

Thanks to all for responding. This actually began with my contemplating the word adipocere. It's such a pretty sounding word for such a morbid actuality. That got me to thinking about how it can be used as a metaphor to describe so many women in bad relationships. Princess Di was an obvious choice, but I also thought of many past and present Hollywood types and High Society types also. I would never presume to know the truth of any of these relationships, so it is a archetype of them all. I do appreciate all of the suggestions and please never think I'm offended by them. I take the time to consider them all, and appreciate the time you've all taken to read my work and offer them.

ps. Lisa you are definitely right about the title.