Thread: A Solitary Man

He warmly greets the passer-by,
politely opens doors;
He kindly speaks to each by name
and rarely stares at floors.

He looks to help those near to laugh
and loves to join right in.
Apparently he's all at peace,
despite what lacks within.

For this lone man has no deep ties
to other's of his race.
Though fond of friends and family, true,
none do his soul embrace.

I counsel you, oh friend to all,
to find someone to share
the honest hidden parts of you,
and trust that one to care.

Hi JBlanton

I liked this. It makes you wonder why this man doesn't want to let anyone get close to him, though one can never really know why someone is how they are, what their history is or if the persona they portray is just that.

God save us all from personas we feel we have to portray!

It's nice to hear someone acknowledging our universal lack of omniscience.

It makes me wonder, as well, shadows. Personally, I also wonder whether such a desire is a misguided one. Perhaps we all can simply love one another as best we can without complete understanding? I honestly don't know if such a depth of connection is truly possible in this age, though it saddens me to consider such a possibility.

Thanks for your comments.

I get the impression of an excellent actor who brilliantly plays the parts expected of him. He appears warm, appears content, is not alone (he has friends and family, nominally at least), and seems to have a sense of pride (being able to look strangers in the eye, looking straight ahead). You hinted at turmoil ("all at peace despite what lacks within"), but declined to elaborate. The piece loses something by that absence in my opinion. In that absence, I have a theory about the "honest, hidden parts" alluded to. It is entirely possible that his inner world contains an ugliness that he wishes to conceal. That ugliness very well might be the fact that for all his gestures and outward appearances, he is incapable of attachment to others. He recognizes that this quality would alienate him from others. Hence his (over?)compensation. His life is a stage and he lives as a character completely opposite his real, concealed, nature. Warm when cold, concerned when apathetic, confident when anxious. In that case, he is obliged to conceal his nature as well as the nature of the concealment (i.e. The Act). Solitude behind a double layer. Triple if you include the possibility that sharing this deep part of himself with somebody else would only cause them to turn away.

If it isn't clear by this point, I really like the piece. It has depth. "None do his soul embrace" is phrased in that peculiar pseudo-poetic way. It bothers me enough to suggest rewriting that line, but others might not take issue with it. Not enough to really drag the piece down though, imo.

Fine character sketch.

I consistently enjoy your thoughtful responses, Edge. Thanks for spending a little time with my postings.

It's interesting to me that both you and shadows seemed to come away with the impression of the man being duplicitous. I hadn't really considered that perspective, which points to one of the, if not the most interesting part(s) of this online dialogue.

My thought was not in the realm of the man's acting in some forced performance, but rather more focused on partial revelations of the entirety of the man's soul, adn how that makes him feel to be thus limited. In my experience, the complexity of the human condition does not prevent genuine sentiments along the lines expressed in the first two stanzas. I think we can be (and many are) really and truly caring of others. Even richly textured in that care.

But that's only part of the story I was considering. How 'deep' of a connection with one another are we satisfied with? What is our expectation of one another? Can any two human beings fully meet the needs of the other? As I mentioned in replying to shadows, I'm disconcertainly uncertain about this particular matter (which is especially annoying to me, actually). Despite the 'counsel' given at the end to the man, can such a connection be fairly expected from one another, or is it our expectation that should be adjusted? Can we reasonably expect one another to fully accept the ugliness within, even if we confidently accept that we all have the same basic ugly element, and therefore should not reasonably be afraid (assuming the other also understands this)? Therefore, the 'apparently' of the poem was in my mind more describing other's expectation that such behavior is associated with the man existing in some sort of transcendent condition, as opposed to describing the man's behavior as being artificial.

I also like that my little creation inspires questions even within myself, rather than expecting it to provide answers. It seems to me that the right questions are the real keys to understanding, much more so than the right answers. Yet these questions didn't come so clearly until you two responded. Thank you.

I absolutely love this, JB, the content is superb and technically it's fabulous. I can completely relate to your gentleman. There are parallels between he and I that made me just a wee bit uncomfortable. I am basically a loner, although to the outside world, I seem quite the opposite. I think it comes down to self preservation, be polite and personable always, but keep all outsiders from the inner nugget to save it from harm. It's a sad and lonely existence to say the least and you've captured that brilliantly. Kudos.

Best,
Lisa

hello

You had me all the way until the last stanza...and its not because that part was written poorly, it does have a nice message, especially this time of year, and if you wished to center it around this time of year, well then ignore this thought.

but for me, the last stanza stepped away from the man prior, I liked him, he was sad, but still gave to others, he smiled but held himself inside. so the last part felt like something different, a moral, which is fine, but just for me, it took away from the poem.

Again, this is just how I saw it. the imagery was great.

thanks for the read

Sync

Yes, it seems to be a basic tenet of life to 'guard your nut' I enjoyed this JB and felt the flow and rhythm was wonderful.

I enjoyed this, I felt that it was very perceptive and easy to relate to- as earlier responses show! Everyone knows a person like this, who seems too selfless even to burden others with the weight of their own emotional burden.

The regular, rhyming first two stanzas:

He warmly greets the passer-by,
politely opens doors;
He kindly speaks to each by name
and rarely stares at floors.

He looks to help those near to laugh
and loves to join right in.
Apparently he's all at peace,
despite what lacks within.

seemed to mirror the way the man just plods along with life, monotonously.

I wasn't too keen on the lines:

For this lone man has no deep ties
to other's of his race.

I'm not sure why, they just seemed a little pedestrian, and I wonder about the use of the word "race".

But generally, thanks for a terrific read!

Thanks for the feedback CD, Sync, Gumby and Chez. I'm glad the sentiment was relatable and you could enter in.

Sorry it took so long to respond, as I've been on a poetry hiatus for a few weeks.

The giver, the one who cares, the much appreciated, but the one the one that finds it difficult to take, the one not worth being delved into. The one who gives what he craves.
Oh, I love excavating. Very nice poem. A well drawn character.

This is an excellent poem. It reminds me a little of 'I'm waving not drowning', by Stevie Smith.

Well done, indeed.

Love,

Firebird

Thanks for the comments apple. Building pyramids are we?

I went and read that poem, Firebird. Interesting comparison. That one seemed much darker to me, but it's good to know that it came to your mind when reading this. I've never considered myself particularly bleak, but perhaps there's a streak in me somewhere?

Hey JB,

I know you’ve already have quite a few comments, but I thought I’d throw my two cents in anyway!

So, the message of this makes me go, ‘aw, how nice.’ But, that’s about it. It’s all a bit cutesy for me. And I don’t tend to like poems which morph suddenly into moral parables. I want to think things through as a reader for myself, not be told what to think. It all feels a bit like being hit over the head. I prefer subtlety.

It’s also all a bit pedestrian. Okay, so maybe that’s the point, to show how this lonely man is a bit of a wallflower. But it’s not really that enjoyable to read, as a poem. I think poetry should do interesting things with language, and here it seems that all the life has been sucked out because of your ties to meter and rhyme. There are no interesting verbs, images, similes, metaphors. Not all poems have to employ these devices, by all means, but the piece feels lacking. A bit vanilla.

And I want to see more of this man. I want to know specifics. I want to know what he eats for breakfast. Anything to make me feel a bit more for him. Because at the moment I don’t really care, and that’s not because I’m an unfeeling person, it’s just that he’s pretty instantly forgettable. Again, you say, that’s the point! But I think he can still remain the smiling outer exterior with a few more specifics to turn him into a real human being, an individual I can really have empathy for.

“None do his soul embrace” = noo. I agree with whoever else said it felt pseudo-poetic. It’s because of the unnatural word inversion to fit the rhyme, coupled with the soul embracing. I think souls should be placed very carefully in poems, it's a tricky word to get right.

So, I suggest more specific imagery. More specific situations than the vague and ahistorical ‘opens doors’, etc. You don’t even need to delve into the ‘what lies within’ if you don’t want to, it’s just all slapped on too heavily at the moment. A more specific, sensitive and subtle portrait would transform this into something much more interesting. Like, you could end on a specific image rather than blandly generalising. Keep the focus on him.

To me, too, it seems from the discussion that followed the piece, the poem you’re really trying to reach lies somewhere in this:

But that's only part of the story I was considering. How 'deep' of a connection with one another are we satisfied with? What is our expectation of one another? Can any two human beings fully meet the needs of the other? As I mentioned in replying to shadows, I'm disconcertainly uncertain about this particular matter (which is especially annoying to me, actually). Despite the 'counsel' given at the end to the man, can such a connection be fairly expected from one another, or is it our expectation that should be adjusted? Can we reasonably expect one another to fully accept the ugliness within, even if we confidently accept that we all have the same basic ugly element, and therefore should not reasonably be afraid (assuming the other also understands this)?

This is all really interesting to me too. And your poem hardly touches on it, really. If you could find an angle to start exploring all this stuff, that’d be cool too.

Hope that’s some food for thought anyway, and all the best,
-R

I really appreciate the thoughtful response, R. Being relatively untrained when it comes to literary creation of any type, the specific suggestions you have offered for me to consider are particularly valuable, and I am mulling them over even as I type here.

I've noticed that most of my poems lack compelling imagery, and that's one of the key things I'm trying to explore as I write new pieces. Though I'm finding it difficult to balance extensive use of imagery with a nice flow and sequence of thought. Have you some experiences finding a balance along these lines? I'd love to hear them.

Also, it seems I like to tell a clear and preferably experiential story when I write. Many times, since writing poems for me is mostly a personal exercise exploring clearer understanding of my experiences, I tend to relate some conclusion or realization I've personally reached. Such compositions may therefore come across as 'moral parables', but I certainly wouldn't want them to have a heavy handed feel. Still, your point about 'being told what to think' is something I'd like to explore, to see if I can relate a poetic sentiment and guide the reader to draw their own conclusions.

Forgive me if I pursue additional clarifying discussion, but, as I said, I really value such a dialogue. Thanks R.