Thread: Lists

She writes endless lists
in her frost-rimmed room
above the crowded market place,
listening to her heartbeat
that is too loud
against the silence of her days.

Crunched papers multiply
on the patterned carpet,
still she scribbles.

Then,
obscured by grimy net curtains,
she stands at the window
watching the bustle beneath.


One day she will go downstairs -
it’s written on her list.

Ooooh, I get to be first to leave tracks. Nyah. Love this, Shadows, very clear image in my head, kudos. One tiny nit, you missed the period at the end of S1. I see your pen name was very appropriately chosen. Well done, hon.

Best,
Lisa

Hi Lisa

Thanks for being the first to leave tracks and for pointing out the missed punctuation. I have a bad habit of moving lines around and in the process full stops fall off. Off to edit now

nicely depicted, Shadows. How we enclose ourselves in our fears thinking safety is in one number.

enjoyed

Hi Sync

Thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts. Fear is a powerful controller.

Hi Shadows,

This is the third poem I've read by you and I liked the rest, but this is my favourite.

If you are not already doing so, start submitting to the UK online journals (I'm assuming you are from the UK?). There are a couple I think you would have a good chance of being published in.

Love and a Merry Christmas!

Firebird

Very nice Shadows, wonderful images and very easily identified with by the reader. Loved the ending.

Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo...

Sorry. All the good comments have been taken. Great piece. Succinct without being trite or cutesy. Like Gumby, I love the ending. I knew someone once who was agoraphobic (as opposed to angoraphobic-the fear of rabbit wool sweaters ) and she eventually left her house, got a job, and made a life for herself. I'd like to think the woman in this piece has hope for the same.

J

Thank you very much Firebird, Gumby and JPatrick. I'm happy you liked it. I had a neighbour who was agoraphobic. I don't think she ever left her flat. Luckily her daughter looked after her. We moved so I've no idea what happened to her.

Firebird - yes, I'm in the UK but I've never submitted anything for publication. I'm a bit too nervous of doing so.