Thread: December Reigns Revised Version

White-capped mountains
trees laden with ice and snow
--- Nature sleeps
under clear starry skies
while winter winds blow

Frosty air freezes my breath
and stings my face and hands,
I escape to the shelter of my abode,
with candlelight and low music
I cuddle beneath a woolen blanket
---fireplace is aglow---
I embrace the warmth ----

December reigns
as the loftness of winter
as the closing phase of another year
Timeless melody to reflect the past
to reform with promises----
rarely kept---
Hope for a prosperous New Year


By City girl

Hi Citygirl

I hate the cold and winter and often wish I could hibernate until Spring. I enjoyed the contrasts between the cold outside and the warmth inside.

I haven't seen the original so apologies if I highlight something you have already chosen to keep as is.

Snow clad mountaintops
trees laden with ice and snow
Silently--- nature sleeps I don't think you need silently. Mostly sleep is silent without it needing to be stated.
under clear cold starry skies
while the winter winds blow

Frosty air freezes my breath
it stings my face and hands,
I recoil to the shelter of my abode, recoil doesn't seem quite the right word though I know what you mean.
and huddle beneath a woolen blanket
in front of a flickering fireplace
with soft candlelight, and music low
I embrace the warmth ----a welcome relief. I think you've shown the relief well enough without needing to tell it too

December arrives and it reigns
as the closing phase of another year
Timeless melody to reflect the past
to reform with promises----
rarely kept---
Hope for a prosperous New Year

For me the poem ends after the second verse. The whole feeling changes in the third verse.

I enjoyed the read and wish I didn't have to venture out of the warmth of my house this morning to go to work.

Shadows you are right about silently...recoil, and a welcome relief...I was pondering those exact phrases/words. I am glad you stopped by to read and comment it has helped me a lot. Now I know I should eliminate them.... Thanks!

Hello,

If this was a poem wrote on a card to give to someone during this season, then I say its very nice, and I enjoyed. But if it is a poem you wish to be read without this 'seasons' tag, then I think the 3rd stanza could end with December reigns.

The first stanza has two 'snow' is there a way around that?

enjoyed this read I am unsure which version I read, but it was one of them

Sync

Hello sync, this is the first draft of December Reigns:
December Reigns-First Draft, See below for Revised Version-thanks everyone for your help....

Snow clad mountaintops
Trees burdened down with the load
Of ice and snow
Silently the city sleeps
Under clear cold starry skies
Outside the winter winds blow

Frosty air catches my breath
And stings my face and hands,
I retreat inside my refuge, my home
To soft candlelight, and a warm hearth
I cuddle beneath a woolen blanket
And feel the delight of the welcome relief

December has arrives it reigns as
The end of another year
Timeless melody to reflect the past
To reform with promises
Rarely kept
Hope for a New Year
by Citygirl

below is my revised version, which you have already read and kindly commented on...thanks!

sync; thanks for stopping by to read and comment on my poem; I could change "snow clad mountaintops" to white capped mountaintops," what do you think about that?

Hello

I just mentioned the repetition because it bothered me, but that doesn't mean it needs to be changed. I think we all have our 'quirks' as writers and readers, things we don't think seem right, but to everyone else, it's just fine.

so let others have their mind over this piece before you worry about changing.

No Sync, maybe you are right...I will try the change and see what others think....I appreciate your help....thanks!

Hi Citygirl

I think white-capped mountains would work well. You don't need top as capped places it for you.

yes, Shadow you are totally right on with that ...I thank you...that is a good suggestion....!