Thread: XXI Century Christmas Eve

While I was home
nobody called,
so I went out
for a night stroll.

Many a house
under lighting low.
A haunting crow
I was
in my dark cowl.

At the park,
not a single
soul;
from afar,
dogs howled.

Rows of trees
with naked bones
over me bowed,
all dark shadows
and falling snow.

Suddenly halted
by a drunken brawl,
my shivering steps
did I retrace
across the lawn.

In my way home
kicked begging bowls,
loud echoes
followed
their empty
yowls.

Before my shut door
I hum and haw,
indoors or out,
I was just another
hooker
on the trawl.

But then,

proposed a toast,
I,
there in the cold...
To another
Christmas Eve
-free-
on my own!

Comments?

This reminded me of a time when I was lonely and would go out for a walk just in the hope of meeting another person but I just ended up being alone as I walked.

Before my shut door
I hum and haw,
indoors or out,
I was just another
hooker
on the trawl.

Hum and haw should be in the past tense not present

proposed a toast,
I,
there in the cold...
To another
Christmas Eve
-free-
on my own!

I feels lost in the wrong place and it felt too quick a change in mood without a reason. What does she/he think or remember to make that mental switch?

Thanks for the read.

to me this felt too fragmented. I liked the individual stanzas, liked their images, but it was told and not really shown, so their images were fleeting.

In the end, I saw the complete picture, but felt it could have been sharper.

I'm a prose writer so often miss the obvious in poetry...still I like to try

thanks for the read

Sync

Hum and haw should be in the past tense not present

Oh, yes, you're right.

I feels lost in the wrong place and it felt too quick a change in mood without a reason. What does she/he think or remember to make that mental switch?

I think that the character's mood is quite neutral all through the piece. The toast isn't a toast in the literal sense; maybe this old saying, better alone than poorly accompained, was somewhere in my mind when writing the final stanza. On the one hand hand, I think that this is what many people figure out the lonely tend to think when they feel uneasy about their situation. On the other hand, it's another perspective about celebration or what we are supposed to do or feel, according to cultural and social standards.

Now, as a reader, don't you think the following mood is plausible?
While I was home nobody called. Perhaps someone called while I was out.
I went out for a night stroll. I could walk!
I was warm in my cowl.
I was so lucky that I had a park near home. And it wasn't dangerous at night!
People had their pets.
Is there anything more comforting than having trees around?
I'd love to see and touch snow! (Just for a while, of course).
People are people, they have always got drunk and fought. I had the choice to stay clear from them. I didn't need to get warm that way.
Nobody held begging bowls and they were empty. Perhaps they were no longer needed or employed.
However, I knew I was out because I felt lonely and the mere realisation of that embarrassed me a little. Still, I had the key to my door.
I celebrated that I could take care of myself.

to me this felt too fragmented.

I completely agree. I will leave it for a while and work it up before posting it again.

Shadows, Sync, thanks.

I thiink that mood is plausible and there are many people who are content to be alone - there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

However, the reader comes to a piece with their own history and if a particular mood isn't clearly shown, then the reader will place their own interpretation on it. In the second description you show the positive much better -

I was warm in my cowl

as appose to

a haunting crow in my dark cowl

and

Is there anything more comforting than having trees around?

Rows of trees
with naked bones
over me bowed,
all dark shadows
and falling snow.

there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely.

This is all the more reason why not to include alone in the poem.

I was warm in my cowl
as appose to

a haunting crow in my dark cowl
and

Is there anything more comforting than having trees around?
Rows of trees
with naked bones
over me bowed,
all dark shadows
and falling snow.

Connotations and denotations are not necessarily opposed.

if a particular mood isn't clearly shown, then the reader will place their own interpretation on it.

They will indeed.