Thread: The Lesson for Getting Dressed for Winter

This morning,
the first snowfall
quiets the blazing evening
when I gave you
a black beret to tip
over one eye
then a crow’s feather
to wear like a
pirate’s patch over the other.

In blackness, not wanting
you to see that love
is something
I’d never tried on before.

A safe nakedness.
　
This morning
the first snowfall
awakens me
to the white light of you.
You, who have tried on love before.
You, who had kissed snowflakes
on lover's lashes, long ago.

I, naked still, make awkward angel wings
hoping the snow will be enough cloth
for you to touch.

Yet then,
I stand like a lovely ice sculpture.
My past partly chiseled away,
rendering me donned in an
ice white gossamer gown
for you to see me,
less safe.

I cry out
to the Winter of my life
and hear nothing but a hush.

Then a breath.

You had taken off the beret
and crow's feather I gave you.
You'd not feast on darkness I tried to feed you.

You whisper...
You've never tried on love before?
Here, take my winter coat.


　
　
　
　

not wanting you to know that love is something I’ve never tried on before. ( I thought this was a great line, L) Good job!

Thanks, Terri. The second love poem I've ever written.

This is very vulnerable and touching Laurie. I am enjoying catching these glimpses of your softer side. I believe you have said what you wanted to say here, and your message will be easily understood and received.

Hello

I'm a bit like you, for me to write a poem about this emotion is very rare, something has to stir inside until confusion throws the words out.

Some nice lines here. I'm trying to remember there isn't always a need to critique, so i will say that I enjoyed this piece.

my favourite lines are these

you wrote:

I, naked still, make awkward angel wings
hoping the snow will be enough cloth
for you to touch.

well parts of it. I loved the ' I am naked still ' in a way i thought it said it all, that defenseless feeling, that untouched virginity of love. you could add. 'waiting to be touch' but in a way that, for me, takes that magically moment away.

I could be reading this wrong. Love poems are very hard to critique, as are any personally attached to a writers emotions, because we all hold back a little, hide our fragility from others' eyes.

thank you for the read

enjoyed

Sync

Thank you Cindy and Sync. This is the second love poem I have written ever. I don't know if I've quite got the knack of it yet. Usually, I write about other's conditions or when I go Confessional it's never about love. Just differnent kinds of angst. My greatest fear in writing poems like this is that I don't want to come across as "flowery" God, forbid~

Hi Silvermoon

I don't think I could write a love poem, so well done for doing so. Some lovely imagery such as the lines others have highlighted.

I'm guessing "It cry out" is meant to be "I cry out," but aside from that typo this is a lovely piece. As the others have said, the vulnerability of it is charming. I thought your other love poem was wonder, as well, so you may be onto something here.

Love is often hard to convey without dipping into cheese, but you've managed to write something lovely, ethereal and almost sensual without losing the gentle vulnerability that makes it special. Congrats on this and, as always, thanks for sharing it.

Shadows: Thank you so much. I didn't think I could write a poem as such. A love poem at all! If you care to go through my Statistics you will find that my poems are of an entirely different nature.

JPatrick: Thank you for pointing out the typo! It's a fix. Yes. I may be on to something. I have this new boyfriend who is proving to be quite the muse.

Love is often hard to convey without dipping into cheese

Yes! My greatest fear about writing these kind of poems is that they will come across as "flowery" so that you read sensuality and etherial pleases me greatly.
And I suppose it does show strength to write so vulnerably. Very difficult for me but worth the effort as it also provides catharsis. Thank you!

Pssst, your soft side is showing, quick, cover it up. lol. Well, Laurie, my love, if you simply must do *shudder* love, then this most certainly is the way to do it. I'm kidding, of course, this is stupendous. Not a single nit to these eyes. It's nice to see black served up is sometimes denied and that there are winter coats out there to shelter the naked. Lovely, lovely piece, Law, I hope such inspiration becomes a constant in your life.

Thank you so, Lisa. But I am missing my dark side! One due after the holidays. Can't have anyone in a straight jacket when everyone else in the family is celebrating!