Thread: Nowhere but up

Nowhere but up

I can barely lift a pen,
To say the very least.
With helplessness taking over,
I'll drink until deceased.

No word or oath or creed,
Can help me so today.
I'll just drink till I see bottom,
And err improve the day.

For if I had the choice,
I'd choose the later grave.
Sweet peace and humble sleep,
With agony I would wave.

But I am not near brave,
Brave enough to choose.
So I'll chug the whisky down,
And hope that I will lose.

There's an overwhelming sense of hopelessness from this poem, a finality that suggests this person has just given up on life.

'Sweet peace and humble sleep,
With agony I would wave.'

These 2 lines contradict each other I think, I would change the second one. The rhyme works well, it carries you along like the inevitable march of time that carries this person along without being too overpowering. Sometimes a rhyme scheme like this is quite contrived but you have made a good job of this, well done.

you know, as I read this a few times. I thought of 'writing' how we drink from a well of words inside, how that 'ink' sometimes runs our pens dry.

I think it is stronger than using 'whiskey' at the end for a subject. maybe its because of the 'pen' statement.

you have to watch when writing 'downed' feelings, too much and it turns eyes away

'to say the very least' - that line should go. the first line shows me that, and this line tells me.

thanks for the read

Sync

Hi Landon,

Full marks for an excellent portrayal of me, before I wised up. (smile)

Enjoyed this read.

Cheers,

Ian