Thread: Foreclosure

they lick their lips
these cannibals
savoring flesh
of the unfortunate

gathered by the empty house
imagining bare cavities
in wooden bones
they suck the vapors of calamity

the nation’s dream
a once-certain course
meanders
through crumbling
markers of false prosperity

underway, a new diaspora
a scattering of souls along the
edges of a sluggish flow

our anxious whispers
float from pursed lips
in december air
translucent
like tiny, evil spirits

we pass the empty dwelling
click our tongues
and speak with reverence
of the dispossessed

they were so much like us

I liked this, Joseph, as sad topic but easily pictured. some nice lines.

you wrote:

our anxious whispers
float from pursed lips
in december air
translucent
like tiny, evil spirits

the last line, to me I didn't understand why you placed 'evil' on these unfortunate. you show them downtrodden, cold, whispering in december's air, translucent,

so why not keep that image and have the last line just

spirits

just to show they are unseen, ghosts to those who do not see.

***

anyway, I look at everything as a critique when I comment, so its not me out to pick at everything, its just how I read.

enjoyed this piece

thanks for the read

Sync

Very relevant to the times, Joseph. I like this a lot and didn't have a problem with evil spirits, as it made me think that these people walking by were throwing out insincere words of sympathy, and perhaps secretly afraid they too may wind up dispossessed. Good work, as always.

Gumby, thanks for reading and commenting. I couldn't have explained the "evil spirits" thing better myself.

Great work, Joe-Joe....nicely written....sad but so very true....

Love this, man. The following bit:

"gathered by the empty house
imagining bare cavities
in wooden bones
they suck the vapors of calamity"

...made me green with envy. Great stuff, that.

A sad situation and you show well how nervous the others passing by feel because it could be them. Some great imagery. My only issue is that I don't see the foreclosure men/women as cannibals licking their lips. They are under orders from the banks and are just doing their job (well that's my opinion).

Love this too, Joe, and am a little green also. I had the same interpretation as Cindy of evil spirits, a false pretense of empathy with an underlying thought of "better them than us". Perhaps I'm going a bit overboard, but unfortunately, people actually think that way no matter how slyly. Your word choices are impeccable, honestly, you've done a fabulous job with this. My only suggestion is that I think the "the" in L2 of S4 would be better moved down to L3. Way to tackle the topical with finesse. Kudos, love.

Best,
Lisa

Hey, Joe, good poem. We have a derelict house that was foreclosed on years ago one door down from us. The feelings about that were pretty right on in your poem. Being caught in the jaws of possible foreclosure is less like being captured by a cannibal tribe than possibly being munched in a soulless machine. I didn't feel that people who were going to foreclose on us had any kind of sadistic glee but rather that they were automatons, unemotional because they couldn't afford to listen to the pleadings that they'd most likely heard a thousand times before.

Excellent poem.

Sorry folks for not responding in a more timely manner. I was off on a little unplanned "vacation."

Thanks terri, jpatricklemarr, shadows, ChestersDaughter and Foxee.

The cannibals bit was more about the folks who come in to buy the houses at auction. Still -- it's probably a touch melodramatic and somewhat unfair.

I appreciate the read and critiques folks -- and look forward to reading and commenting on your work in the New Year.