Thread: the soft kiss

it is time to say goodbye, it is time for the end


no more happiness found now that I am free of sin


it's a lonely walk down an empty street, I can't seem to care


when I reach out my hand, no one is there


left to embellish the past with taunts of returning to the start


making war out of love became my perfected art


only bridges burned just beyond the insanity of yesterday


a voice shouting out that has nothing left to say


so much damage, so many battlefields with hearts left broken


so easily scoffed at the madness in the words I have spoken


the keys won't work on the door, my soul is out of business


my pain is so great that my damnation is listless


only a few more steps to a journey of finality


the soft kiss of death is all that's left for me

For easier reading, I would break this into stanzas. I like the poem itself, the rhyming didn't feel forced to me. The line "making war out of love became my perfected art" was my favorite. I look forward to reading more of your work and hope this helped.

This is how I have formed stanzas:

It is time to say goodbye,
it is time for the end -
no more happiness found,
now that I am free of sin.

It's a lonely walk down an empty street,
I can't seem to care
when I reach out my hand,
no one is there.

Left to embellish the past
with taunts of returning to the start,
making war out of love
became my perfected art.

Hi Wildbill. Welcome to the forum.

I agree with Damien on the formatting. It was much easier to read his arrangement.

I would like to see you lose the rhyme in favor of saying what you really mean. I think some of the rhymes seem forced: end and sin, start and art. They just seem like words you threw in there to make a rhyme and not really what you need this to say.

You should try and add some imagery to help the reader feel what you are saying. For instance, how can you restate the first line "It is time to say goodbye," in an original way? For example: instead of "It is time to say goodbye," you could say "a green leaf bled red then lost its hold on the branch." It makes the reader think more deeply about the phrase. (I'm not suggesting this change, just showing an example.)

making war out of love

Nice phrase.

Smooth. The reading would've flowed better except for the gaps. As your previous readers suggested, I feel the poem would shape up a lot better just a few things put in scope. Don't lose the theme here. I enjoyed it, likewise your choice for the poem's title.

fox*