Thread: restaurant

Giddy giggling
as looks lingered longingly
pupils did dilate
lips pungently puckered
words wandered wildly
and the food fed no one.

It's no secret I'm a suck for alliteration, and assonance and consonance, for that matter. So naturally, I loved this, Jon. One suggestion, "pupils did dilate" is awkward and far too archaic for the rest of the language. May I suggestion something akin to" pupils dilated in desire, or pupils dilated desirously, (poor examples, but you get the gist) to maintain the alliterative pattern. Love that last line. Much enjoyed.

Best,
Lisa

Very nice, Jon. What a lovely little snippet this is. Great title too.

Watto JM

Hows about

Pupils posed provocatively?

Brian

Hey guys, thanks for the thoughts. I like 'did dilate' for some reason. I know its not very illustrative, but it sounds good.

However I will think about changing it, I might even use one of your suggestions! lol thanks!

Personable, Perfunctory, Playful, and Particularly Pleasant Poem! <'pologize>

I enjoyed this thoroughly. Nice write.

Here's another Restaurant one

The Tables tented to Tilt
The chairs were charming and chintzy
This rustic Roman restaurant
Hidden in an ancient alley
Is where I loved to go

The basil bouquet
The proscutio perfume
The fragrant flavours
Mingle as one

The chink of the glasses
Brimming with wine
The sound of the music
Blissfully sublime


My mind travels back
To that hot day in June
When I went down the alley
And my eaterie was gone!

Sorry , the alliteration went to pot and I'm sure the meter ( If that's what it's called ) is all wrong but it was fun to write