Thread: Voices in the Night

Voices in the Night
-A United States Coast Guard member

I am silent and I wait,
I listen to the voices.

The calm is long,
static soothes.

I am silent and I wait,
I listen to the voices.

A cry for help!
A voice pleads in the night.

I react and I report,
I give direction to the voices.

The action is rapid,
adrenaline focuses.

I react and I report,
I give direction to the voices.

Assistance arrives,
another voice is safe.

I am silent and I wait,
I listen to the voices.

Watto VS, firstly, I really like this poem for it bears many re-readings. However had you not mentioned the Coast Guard and given the poem a "context" its message would have gone over my head.

To me the heart of poetry is economy, i.e. saying a lot in a few words. Which is what this poem does,

Brian

Hi there!

I agree with BRN, the mention of the Coast Guard "clicks" the poem for me. Maybe you could work it into the title instead of as a subtitle, since it's so important to the meaning of the poem. I like the switch from nothing to ACTION to nothing again, but a couple things confused me a bit.

The second line is about listening to the voices, but then it's all static and calm. Wouldn't it be listening for the voices instead? Also, since you go from peace to action and change after the cry for help, could the voices find a different noun to call themselves for a while? With that change, you might increase the contrast from the waiting to the doing, and make those parts feel more active and alive.

Either way, I enjoyed reading this poem. Take care!

Very cool piece. Maybe it could be matched with a photo of a coast guard member on duty, to explain the context...

I think it should be "listening to the voices" as it is already. The voices of the night are many and always present, not only human...

I agree it jumps a little much too from an aroused ambiance and back to the still. Could be fixed by taking some of the adrenaline out of 6th stanza I believe, OR altering the final stanza to be a bit more 'on guard'. As is, the feelings of the narrator seem a bit too mechanical.

Other than that the piece works really well.

Brian,
Thank you. I was a bit nervous about posting this one. I am glad I did now.

Eric,
Ah! You have made me realize I left out a key piece of information. The narrator is a radio operator. Voices are constantly coming and going over HF (high frequency) radio. People calling each other to make sure their equipment is working, or to report locations and weather conditions. The narrator is listening for that one voice that might be calling for help.

As far as the static, HF radio has constant static (provided you do not have equipment that detects signals that break squelch but I do not want to get into the technical side of things). It is kind of like being at the beach. At first all you can hear is waves impacting the land, but after you have been there for a good while it becomes soothing background noise that you hardly notice.

Hmmm.... Looks like a minor revision is in order. I will try to knock that out when I am not so tired.

Martin,
I think that once I make the afore mentioned revisions my narrator will not seem so mechanical. Thank you for the input. Your comments coupled with Eric's have led me to see a minor revision that will clear all this up.

I like this one too, for all the reasons mentioned above. Good work!

(revision)


Voices in the Night
by: a United States Coast Guard member



I am silent and I wait,
I listen to the voices.

They chat all night,
radio static soothes.

I am silent and I wait,
I listen to the voices.

A cry for help!
A voice pleads in the night.

I react and I report,
I give direction to the voices.

The action is rapid,
rehearsed response focuses.

I react and I report,
I give direction to the voices.

Assistance arrives,
another voice is safe.

I am silent and I wait,
I listen to the voices.



How do you like the changes?

Cindy,
Thank you, I am glad you like

I like this, Verum, but think you should somehow incorporate Coast Guard into the actual piece itself. Can't think of anything stupendous at the moment, though. The repetition works in your favor, good show with that. Nicely done, love.

Best,
Lisa