Thread: Santa Sees All

Grab the ladder, scale the house,
shoo away a passing grouse.
Palm a tangled string, hold it tight
gonna light up the block tonight.

Six staples down, missed my hand,
that course at Sears sure was grand.
No punctured fingers, not this year,
no bandaged hand to hold my beer.

Twelve strings up, just one to go,
a mighty wind begins to blow.
Lose my footing, grab the tar,
make a vow to hit the bar.

Scramble up, complete my task
to celebrate, nip at my flask.
Hands are freezing, body's numb
well worth it to strike Santa dumb.

He'll be enthralled and so pleased,
his love of glitter well appeased.
He'll bury me tree in extra gifts,
unlike last year when I got stiffed.

Slide down the ladder, hit the ground,
my ankle makes a crunching sound.
Hop to the outlet, insert the plug
sunset hides my disheartened mug.

Nary a shiny bulb aglow,
stiff Con Ed and juice won't flow.
Booze before bills just doesn't work,
it's Christmas Eve, and I'm the jerk.

Their office is closed and I can't pay,
my house is dark and will stay that way.
St. Nick will pass unaware I'm here,
with barren tree and case of beer.

Another Christmas spent alone
'til an AA sponsor rings my phone,
"Kris Kringle told me I should call."

Guess I wasn't forgotten after all.

Lisa, you got the hazardness down. That's why I don't do the tree! The ending was sheer brilliance! Had me LOL. Spending Christmas with you would be a blast. Save some beer for me...

Brilliant.

Now that's a clever ending, Lisa. I better not let hubby read this, he's doing the lights this weekend.

A good fun read-was the AA, the Automobile Association or Alcoholics Anonymous?

Brian

My tree will (be?) buried in extra gifts

That's just nitpicking though. >.>

I like how you slipped in references to alcohol throughout the poem. You managed to keep the end a surprise, but completely believable because of the little hints.

lol....how does she come up with these? lol thanks for the laugh, Lisa Loo...

Ho Ho Ho
Ha ha ha
eeeew you can do
a Merry Christmas.

Too funny...again.

I was tickled by the thought of a Santa who gives us what we need rather than what we desire, hence this baby. Big brother in a sleigh, if you would.

Dear Laurie, No beer here, diet remember? Christmas with me would indeed be a blast, hand grenades make such great stocking stuffers. Elated you enjoyed, love.


Dear Delfia, Danke.


Dear Pandadan, My sincere thanks to both you and your brother.


Dear Cindy, So happy you found the ending clever. I'm late as usual, I hope hubby survived the stringing of the lights without bodily harm. Christmas lights are the biggest bane of my existence. I can't tell you how many times I've slumped to the floor in tears fighting with the damn things. I had entire tree blow a week before Christmas, had to undecorate and redecorate the entire thing, what a disaster. Evil twinkling demons, I tell you. lol.


Dear Brian, Glad you found it fun. Here in the States it's triple A for roadside assistance, so Alcoholics Anonymous. My gentlemen has a wee bit of a drinking problem.


Dear Elric. Not nitpicking at all, love, I'm mortified I missed that before posting, thank you for pointing it out. I'm anal about such mistakes. I'm glad the hints were subtle enough that the ending remained somewhat of a surprise, that's what I was hoping for.


Dear Te, Your welcome, thank you for laughing. From warped minds come warped pieces, I fear what I'll write once I actually go over the edge. lol.


Dear Sondra, Lol, love, I'm ever so pleased whenever I'm able to entice a titter.


Many thanks to all and my best wishes for a wonderful holiday season, may all your lights happily blink.

All my best,
Lisa