Thread: The Fight

She fakes left, but goes right
I am not fooled,
I have seen this move before.

I take her down with a kick
behind the knee.
I am on her in a flash.

My arms hold her tight,
she cannot escape.
Her little hand creeps to my face.

A finger, soft but pointed
slips into my eye socket.
Pride explodes in my gut.

I let go and she laughs.
“Oh daddy!”

I smile down at her
“Now if anyone ever gets you,
that’s what you do.”


(Be gentle, I am inexperienced at poetry)

I adored this Verum, wonderful.

I agree with Cindy. This is adorable, Verum, and I love it. Very impressive for an early effort. I look forward to seeing more from you soon.

Best,
Lisa

I'm 17, male, but, awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Cindy, Lisa and DELFIA,
Thank you for the kind words. I am encouraged to attempt to write more poetry.

Nice work! Pleasant surprise at the end, there. =)

I'm not sure if you need the "Now" at the final stanza, and both "I am not fooled,/ I have seen this move before" and "My arms hold her tight,/ she cannot escape" are comma splices. You also seem to be missing a couple periods on lines one and fifteen. They're really just minor nitpicks, but fixing those would render your punctuation internally consistent.

It's really delightful to see a poet start the cycle of improvement at competent; there's no waiting period for the creative output to become enjoyable. It starts good and grows to fantastic and more. Keep writing!

Elric,
Admittedly I am uneducated in the precedents for poetry punctuation. Your observations are most helpful, and thank you for the encouragement.

This is a wonderful little poem. I really feel the rowdy fun and sweetness. And the Dad saying more or less, "gouge out his eyes, honey, if someone trys to hurt you." It's so Daddy, Punctuation needs work, but otherwise...delightful.