Thread: Wolf

Wolf,
one; many -
in packs they hunt
through the night,
Worshipping

the cold white moon,
floating ahead lights
their coats of silver – eyes of emerald,
claws sharpened into

Crescents; just like
the moon which they howl to,
Mourning, rejoicing
Are their voices

Silently trotting
across dew-frosted plains
spritely bounds take them
closer to the prey

The deer, the bear
nothing too strong
for the master tactician
together; alone,

They kill without mercy,
indifferent – yet at the same time,
Caring.
Testaments to the beauty that is,

nature – swaying trees
cover their movement
as they stalk
the unfortunate

food. They snarl,
advancing – no footfalls
heard. The end draws
closer. The wolf

Pounces and with
A single fluid movement
Death visits a limp form
And again, and again and again

As day draws closer
They go back;
To caves, dens
And once again

The wolf sleeps
Until night strikes
Then with a yawn and a stretch
They rise,
Invicible.

Please, critique - I only want to improve

Watto AW

Clumsy opening

Wolf,
One; Many
In packs they hunt,
Through the night,
Worshipping

Why not

Wolves,
In packs they hunt,
Through the night,
Worshipping

Could do with a re-write. Repetition of the word "again" 3 times in 5 lines lose the last two for they add nothing

Until night strikes .
Then with a yawn and a stretch
They rise,
Invicible.

Just a few ideas, if this could be tightened and made more reader friendly this would be a very engaging poem,

Brian

I love wolves, and I see that you do too. I think I see what you are saying, and I've played a little with the opening and capitalization to see if it flows better. In a piece with short lines like this one, too many capital letters make it awkward to read and slows down the flow, making it feel choppy. Which isn't the feeling you want to go for here, I think. Wolves move very smoothly, almost floating. I think you should try to capture that feeling with your words.

Wolf,
one, many-
in packs they hunt
through the night,
worshipping

the cold white moon,
floating ahead lights
their coats of silver – eyes of emerald
claws sharpened into

I fixed according to both your ideas - except from your point about my first stanza Brian. I just like it like that, because I always believe there are lone wolves - so therefore, not all the wolves hunt in packs. I don't know, I just like how it reads

the moon, to which they howl...?