Thread: Twin Sticks (Advice)

Part Two of Sole Woodland
--------------------
Province built on disregard
Twin Sticks to smash their hope to shards

A rule, A thought
A rode to to be raised

A people to lead
A promise to be made

Province built on disregard
Twin Sticks to smash their hope to shards

The crowd so captivated
O, decision, decision

Democracy or bust
Calamity, Conniption

Province built on disregard
Twin Sticks smash their hopes to shards

Crystal heart thumping
Sloe bosom jouncing

Fickle protection
Starvation pouncing

Province built on disregard
Twin Sticks smash their hope to shards

Hut in the valley
Mansion on the stream

Remember, Elicit
Reverie, Dream

A hamlet,Immaculate
Coming Unclean

This is about who is the ruler of our temples...Gain or Humility. Profit or Love. Part two of Sole Woodland

I could really use advice

So its the color of my SKIN??!?!?

Why wont you guys give your opinions...

What do you want from me!?!?!?




I'm sorry i hope no one is stealing my writings...


(not me...but i'll leave it for comic relief)

How could it be the color of your skin? It's the internet, nobody can see you, silly!

Anyway: I have read this poem 3 times, actually about 4 times now. I was going to say something about it, but having a hard time formulating something constructive and helpful. There's a good degree of technical skill displayed in it, and hardly anybody could argue against that. The meaning is not extremely clear, but it's poetry so, you know....

I think the key to enjoyment of this poem--you want for the reader to enjoy reading it, regardless of the gravity of its topic, or at least I hope you do--is in its meaning, and the meaning is not extremely clear. The words are good, but the meaning is unclear enough that it makes the reader not want to give full assent until he/she can understand it.

Can you explain further the symbolism of the two ("twin") sticks? It could be something really mundane or something really esoteric, and the ambiguity does not enhance reading, but rather detracts from it.

I'll be back later to read your reply. I did like the poem when I first read it, but of course I can't just say, "I liked it!" especially if there's some doubt in my mind what it's about.

The color of your skin has nothing to do with not getting comments. Actually, Scarlett has put her finger on much of the reason, I think.
I like this a lot, Eli. It takes several readings for me to get a good feel of a piece, especially one like this one, which has a lot of very deep meanings. I think the capitalization of each line should go, it's a bit distracting at least to me. One thing is certain, this gets the mind to thinking.

Originally Posted by Gumby

The color of your skin has nothing to do with not getting comments. Actually, Scarlett has put her finger on much of the reason, I think.
I like this a lot, Eli. It takes several readings for me to get a good feel of a piece, especially one like this one, which has a lot of very deep meanings. I think the capitalization of each line should go, it's a bit distracting at least to me. One thing is certain, this gets the mind to thinking.

I'll address the skin color thing below. This is part of a 6 part story-- I posted the first one, this is the second, and the third in a bit. The phrase "Sticks" is another name for town...it is usually used in rural areas. I used Twin because this is part two...and it is about two villages. Read part one for some more background. I try not to say right out what it is about-- but maybe it will help....

Originally Posted by Scarlett_156

How could it be the color of your skin? It's the internet, nobody can see you, silly!

Anyway: I have read this poem 3 times, actually about 4 times now. I was going to say something about it, but having a hard time formulating something constructive and helpful. There's a good degree of technical skill displayed in it, and hardly anybody could argue against that. The meaning is not extremely clear, but it's poetry so, you know....

I think the key to enjoyment of this poem--you want for the reader to enjoy reading it, regardless of the gravity of its topic, or at least I hope you do--is in its meaning, and the meaning is not extremely clear. The words are good, but the meaning is unclear enough that it makes the reader not want to give full assent until he/she can understand it.

Can you explain further the symbolism of the two ("twin") sticks? It could be something really mundane or something really esoteric, and the ambiguity does not enhance reading, but rather detracts from it.

I'll be back later to read your reply. I did like the poem when I first read it, but of course I can't just say, "I liked it!" especially if there's some doubt in my mind what it's about.

I added a reason above. I used twin because this is about two villages and a political campaign...

It actually has a deeper meaning you could figure out...

Originally Posted by Eli

So its the color of my SKIN??!?!?

Why wont you guys give your opinions...

What do you want from me!?!?!?




I'm sorry i hope no one is stealing my writings...

This is not me. My room mate at Penn State is my artist and he found it funny to make me seem racist. I told him I really needed some advice so he did this when I was in Eng 015....Lets just say he should be careful with leaving his twitter open.

Originally Posted by Eli

I could really use advice

This is me...of course

Ah, friends... what would we do without them?