Thread: A moment in the Son

Dressed in better days passed, he stood.
Ashamed, defiant, angry-
he watched her approach.
Nostrils needled by scents
exclusive, divine, monied.
Even the sound of her shoes was haute.

Silver Spooned Package
his face clearly sneered.

But stomachs, like children,
can pick the worst times
to speak out loud.
Eyes meet, embarassed heat
is cooled, at her expression.

She stops, then stoops, a jeweled hand scoops
then presses to his palm.
Ears hear the crinkle, then comprehend
"I believe you dropped this sir,"
a soft voice says.

Dressed in better days passed, he stood
ashamed; humbled and grateful
he watched her walk away.

Good Lord, Cindy, this is brilliant and I just hadda be the first to say it (Jeff's here now, too). Moved to tears here and I'm a Grumpy Gus today. Will return with a more in depth, but, hon, I was powerfully moved by this, and I'm like a mountain, so hard to budge me an inch. Love it and a thousand gold stars for you.

I'm back as promised. You already know I love it and with good reason. Adored dressed in better days passed, a lot, as well as the stomach reference in S3, fantastic comparison. I really am in awe of this piece, Cindy, it's brilliant construction and the depth of the message warrant such. I must ask, is this a recount of a witnessed event or did you pull this little gem out of that sweet head of yours? One tiny typo in divine. The only thing I did not like were the dashes, your breaks are doing the work and I don't think they are necessary, and I found them a bit distracting. You never, ever disappoint, Cindy. Kudos for an exceptional job.

Thank you Lisa, my spelling is getting outrageously bad these days. I knew something wasn't right about the spelling of that word, but couldn't put my finger on it. I had to go back and change the spelling of a few other words too. Will reconsider the dashes too. Maybe I went a little dash happy? Man, I'm gettin' old, I think.
I didn't witness this actual event, but there are a lot of down and out people around here and it isn't hard to read what their faces are saying. The way they avoid your eyes, then you see the defiance set in and they look you in the eye as if to say 'so what'. I'm not a wealthy person, but I know I've been perceived as one by some.

Cindy, this piece is remarkably well written. I t stands with such dignity. The beauty and richness of this womans appearance was an adornment to the kindness and respectful delicacy of her nature. Well done.

That was lovely. It conveyed pride so well.

Thank you Sondra, and Damien both. Your comments mean a lot to me.

I love this piece, although I havent yet read one of yours that I didnt like in the short space of time I've been a member. The contrast between his pride and her humility as she tries to spare his pride is really striking. Overall I think it's structurally & emotionally brilliant. I'm intrigued by the title though, would it be bad etiquette to ask why 'son'? Within the phrase 'a moment in the son' it obviously suggests 'sun', and I can see the sense of this but I cant make a connection between 'son' and the rest of the poem. Am I missing something?

Late to the party. Sort of. Funny how these things pop back up to the surface. But glad it did. Nicely done -- a complete story in very few words. This line was a bit awkward:

his face clearly sneered.

Really, he would sneer, not his face. He might have a sneer on his face. Not sure how you'd fix that.

Strong work, Gumby.

he sneered - we sneer from the face so understood. keep the emotion on the character of 'he' not a particular fraction 'face' make all of 'he' sneer.

unless you want to show the action of the face going to a sneer. then maybe

His face sneered.
His sneer was clear

maybe its my thing about 'ly' lol, ignore as just a thought


enjoyed this piece,

there are some very nice poetry writers on this site

thanks for the read

Sync

I was thinking of it this way -- a sneer is an expression. You likely wouldn't say, "his face smiled."

I was surprised to see this one pop back up, but glad it did.

Jane, I wrote this mainly to show how wrong perceptions can be. A lot of people think that a person who has wealth can't be a Christian, and must be evil. I don't consider myself wealthy, but I am in comparison to a lot of people in this world. This was just my way of showing a very small moment of this woman 'being in the Son', or Christian, or even just in the Light if you prefer.

Thank you Joseph, I do see what you mean. Hmmmm, I'll have to give that some thought. I appreciate your input here, more than you can know.

Sync, glad you commented also. Your thoughts are always welcome to me and greatly appreciated.

I especially loved the way you described the female persona in the poem. The words were well-chosen, befitting for a rich woman whose admirable character points to a clear lesson in life - riches and character. Most people associate the rich with unruly behavior, but I strongly believe that those with such a kind of notion only live to see one side of the prism called Life.

I can strongly relate with your poem, Cindy. Merci.

Thank you foxryder. I have to agree with you on the one sided prism that we often limit ourselves to. Admirable character comes in all walks of life, and isn't only limited to those who profess Christ. I've lived long enough to learn that religious beliefs aren't always indicative of good character and a kind spirit, and sometimes only mask over a corrupt soul.

ah, that son, now I get you Cindy. As you can tell I'm not religious, I didnt see the poem in the context of Christianity- or any religion for that matter- but I did appreciate that it was tackling the prejudices sometimes held by people with regard to the wealthy.

With regard to 'his face sneered' my interpretation of that was that his outward appearance was not in accordance with his feelings. His expression was a sneer but it was pasted over the shame that he was really feeling.