Thread: Funeral of Frankenstine

This is the last call for Frankenstein
Behind the line I can hear the Eulogy
Though Its probably mine
A man of many faces
Tasteless
Abrasive
For those who knew him well
They could tell he had a time
From the agent he got his spine
From the archer he got his eyes
From the butcher he got his hands
From the maven he got his mind
By sight he was a specimen
No spirit, Though and Effigy
The perfect recollection
One egg less than than the recipe
Died for one time he forgot to take his medicine
Would've neglected sooner
Had he known what was ahead of him
But those same three words
The whole time steady droning
Rest in peace
Rest in peace
He got his arts from the East
Essential Oriental
Found his heart in the West
In the south he got a soul
In the North he got to rest
For those who knew him well
In his eyes they saw his hell
From the outside looking in
Made for machine gun shells
For whom the toll bells
The corpse the sweet smell
Well
He's better of dead
Laying in his bed
Waking up to the tales


This one was fun to write...any suggestions?

Eli,

It does appear you had some great creative energy in writing this. Some of the lines are a bit confusing to me. For example, "A man of many faces, tasteless, abrassive". That does not seem to tell of many faces. Maybe you could explore some other qualities. I know "faces" is meant as a metaphor. But the phrase "Man of many faces" is kind of cliche and not very poetic. There might be a better word than "faces" that you could use ("A man of many pallets" or "A man of long journeys" or "A man of many grains"....). Something along those lines.

You have a very natural way of stating your thoughts, but some could use a little work to bring them up from the colloquial (informal, or slang) layer of this piece. For example, "He got his arts from the East/Essential Oriental..." Instead of "got his" you could say "He learned art from the East". "Found his heart in the west" is good. then "In the south he got a soul" slips back to the informal. Maybe instead of "got his soul" you can describe some other way that he would have gained or grown into a soulful character. "In the North he got to rest", now that seems fine to me -- after all you don't want to get completely away from your natural tone.

I could go on with more suggestions but I would say it is a great start, very entertaining. Give it a cooling period of a month or so then revisit what you've written and you'll probably discover ways you can improve it. I like the overall metaphor -- in each of us there is a Frankenstein, or something like that.

BW