Thread: What Can I Say?

1st edited version

What I say, can it
be true?

Or is it just a deluder
that is nothing but false?

Can I be saying only my
heart and soul and not of my flesh?

is it possible to say with my will
and not of the cells' accord.

I say, what do I say? Can I say
what I want to say?

I sigh at the thought, yet what
can I say?

only one saying, can I
say of it now?

I say, "I go, I walk, and I let the Son
be my way." And that is all there is to say.

EDIT: Older Poem, not very old though. Just wanted to say this information.

This poem started strong, and finished in the stratosphere. The second half of the poem was a thrill ride good enough to even bring your last few old flames running back for more, which is saying a lot, though the first half of the poem, after a couple reads, establishes a foundation of firewood.

What I say, can it
be true?

Or is it just a deluder
that is nothing but false?

Can I be saying only my
heart and soul and not of my flesh?

is it possible to say with my will
and not of the cells' accord.

^Would it be possible to reword the second stanza? The diluted words of delusion just swirl around, nonstop. If you wish to create nescafe, milk would be appreciated.

This poem was fun, it was fast. Like a hooker in a church, I left sweaty and in awe. Hopefully we'll see more of your works here. Keep doing you.

- Jube16A4

Originally Posted by jube jube

This poem started strong, and finished in the stratosphere. The second half of the poem was a thrill ride good enough to even bring your last few old flames running back for more, which is saying a lot, though the first half of the poem, after a couple reads, establishes a foundation of firewood.

What I say, can it
be true?

Or is it just a deluder
that is nothing but false?

Can I be saying only my
heart and soul and not of my flesh?

is it possible to say with my will
and not of the cells' accord.

^Would it be possible to reword the second stanza? The diluted words of delusion just swirl around, nonstop. If you wish to create nescafe, milk would be appreciated.

This poem was fun, it was fast. Like a hooker in a church, I left sweaty and in awe. Hopefully we'll see more of your works here. Keep doing you.

- Jube16A4

Thank you for the feedback. This should help me with my revision.

And yeah I was trying to think if "deluder" deluder was even right. (was having writers block on that word) And thank you for the simile of a "Hooker in a church," that made my day.