Thread: Middle World

Slowly inward draws the breath
and rhythmic whispers out again,
the shallow pulse of slumber time,
which carries me to Middle World.

Then through half-light of leaden eyes
at the threshold of the mind,
the filmy day begins to slide
to where my alter ego lies.

Not yet asleep, nor full awake,
the echo of a heartbeat stirs
and touches at the edge of sense,
whilst alter ego beckons me.

In the greyness, knowledge waits,
the promise of this murky place.
A heaving void of weightless sighs
holding back the dark from light.

So, in this state of fitful rest,
where time and space mean nought,
concealed desires flash and fade,
'til once again I'm pushed beyond.

Oh how I crave the Middle World,
this otherness I briefly glimpse.
The vastness of the shadows slip
as daylight floods back in.

I loved this Woody. Had to read it a few times, just because I liked the feelings it evoked in me. I do think it would benefit from adding punctuation, only because that would allow the reader to savor it more, and let it soak in during the pauses. Great work!

I wrote this in 1998 and although it still invokes the feeling I wanted to express maybe it could be a little more precise and polished. Comments most welcome. Leave the punctuation with me, I'll work on it. Thank you.

I dig this, most definitely.

As far as it being precise and polished, I guess that's up to you.

It reads good to me.

I've read it a few times now.

I feel it. It feels like it wants to carry me to a place similar to where you describe.

I haven't been there in a while.

I needed to be reminded.



Thanks



stonefly

I too loved this. I am glad I stumbled upon it today. Weighted with the burden of have too's this little gem gave me a momentary escape.

Thank you.

Another vote for "love this". I love the Middle World, it's my favorite place to be, never could describe it in words, though, thank you for doing it for me, Ralph. I agree with Cindy about the punctuation, it would enhance the reader's ability to savor. Those nasty caps every line are distracting, love. Typo in beckon and no dash in alter ego. Thoroughly enjoyed this, thank you so much for sharing.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you,

this is precisely why I am developing a growing affinity to the forum. It encourages analysis and reflection. Spending time on any piece of work I get lost in mood, feel and the pictures in my head, often at the expense of form. Sometimes skill and craft are secondary and good critique helps to ground me. I tend not to critique other peoples work because I don't consider myself qualified. I comment on the art and how it makes me feel. All that said I am a willing student and am prepared to learn my trade.
Once again thank you for your comments they are truly appreciated.

regards Ralph

Hi,

punctuation really isn't my forte but I will examine the piece and give it a go. I'm sure things can be ironed out 'with a little help from my friends'.

Hello Ralph, I'll see if I can help a bit with the punctuation, even though it's not my strength. I see you've made the other changes, but still have caps every line, you'll need to remove the unnecessary ones for the punctuation to be effective:

Slowly inward draws the breath
and rhythmic whispers out again,
the shallow pulse of slumber time,
which carries me to Middle World.

Then through half-light of leaden eyes
at the threshold of the mind,
the filmy day begins to slide
to where my alter ego lies.

Not yet asleep, nor full awake,
the echo of a heartbeat stirs
and touches at the edge of sense,
whilst alter ego beckons me.

In the greyness, knowledge waits,
the promise of this murky place.
A heaving void of weightless sighs
holding back the dark from light

So, in this state of fitful rest,
where time and space mean nought, (personally I prefer naught)
concealed desires flash and fade,
'til once again I'm pushed beyond.

Oh how I crave the Middle World,
this otherness I briefly glimpse.
The vastness of the shadows slip
as daylight floods back in.

Hope that helps a bit, Ralph, I'm probably a little off, punctuation and I are not friends.

Best,
Lisa

Hi Lisa,

thanks for your suggestions on the punctuation. I believe you are right it certainly helps the rhythm of the piece and I think it is now more aesthetically pleasing.