Thread: Beat

Beat

Sensual, verging on trashy, but only because the human mind is prone (no pun) to take the naughty leap. Nice twist, form and flow. Good stuff, sir.

I've never seen this kind of dancing except on tv, but this put me right there in my mind. I like the form you gave it, the words seem to dance around the pole.

Thanks for the feedback, Jeff and Gumby. The dancing is a red herring, Gumby.

Priming the pump. The anticipation. the primal cliche. Pavlov's dog. The tease. The unexpected delivery. I'm probably way off base here. I had to read it a few times to get more from it than just a thumping strip or pole dance. (even that would have been beautifully written.) To me it became an example of how rythmn, sounds, smells and visuals can mold your senses to certain feelings and expectations. And how clever her trick to ensure an attentive audience. I know that visually, the form of the poem looks swirly and pretty, but I had a hard time reading it that way. maybe it is just me, but I liked the way you placed the words, it enhanced the reading and the emphasis, the pauses.
I really enjoyed it ,Rob.

Sondra

The word pulsating springs to mind when considering the rhythm, which is a good complement to the imagery. Taken together, they grab the attention and hold it throughout the poem. There's quite a surreal feel to it, as well as the obviously impassioned one.

I thought this was good when I first read it, and I still think it just as good the second time round.

You're a regular Jack of all trades, Rob. I'm happy if I can get words down on paper, you bend them to your will and make them dance aurally and visually. I love the layout, it enhances the read and literally sucked me in. Your words read lyrically, as always, how I love your sounds. That unexpected twist was so delicious, so perfectly positioned and timed, ugh, I'm starting to gush, sorry, can't help it. This is now my favorite of yours, and one of the most exceptional and well planned out pieces I've ever read. Kudos.

Ah, I see. My mind was so caught up in the image of a pole dancer, I thought the ending was describing her stripping and her body was the poem as it danced. Well now I feel like a hay seed ninny.

then remove the cover
_____open the book
__________turn the pages
pick the poem she has chosen
_____to read
__________with the beat
_____this night

It's good to hear from you, Apple, and you also, Lisa. Thanks to all for your comments.

Originally Posted by Gumby

Ah, I see. My mind was so caught up in the image of a pole dancer, I thought the ending was describing her stripping and her body was the poem as it danced. Well now I feel like a hay seed ninny.

I never see you that way

I simply love the playful use of words in this poem.

Originally Posted by Lady S

I simply love the playful use of words in this poem.

Don't I know you from somewhere?

Thanks, Vicki.

The girl on before me
Puts that damned resin on her hands
So she can thrill the onlookers
With gravity-defying headstands.

To take out a towel and wipe
Decreases my tips!
But I can't stand getting that stuff
On my face, hands, and... er... hips.

Once this ordeal is over
I'll pop a cold Miller.
By my eyes! This poetry-reading stuff
Can be a right killer.

(That means I liked your poem! )

Very sensual poem like Gumpy said. The descriptive words made me feel like I was there.

But I have a question, why are the words space out like that in the line of the poem? I haven't seen poetry like that before, or lately like it I suppose.

Good job. I think it works well overall. It seems a little detached -- despite the good description, I don't really get a sense of what the observer is feeling.

I'm wondering if the indents are meant to suggest the movement of the dancer. They're interesting on that level, but I think they're a little gimmicky.