Thread: Two Gods

I just wrote this short poem, I hope you enjoy it. Originally titled "Two gods," I have renamed it.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MICHAEL C. THOMPSON. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

_____

The wheel of fortune.

from apollonian discipline
to dionysian excess
his spirit is drawn
to fortune's caress
knowing neither and both
the listener fasts
to listen to voices
the wind suggests
the devil in one ear
a god, it's oppose
and stuck in between
a man listening to both
and wondering which
of the voices he hears
has followed him most
through all of his years

in Bacchus' dark meadows
he's feasts and he sleeps
a maenad in spirit
a human in need
he calls himself seer
of Delphi's grand halls
makes toast to the glory
of tall empire walls
he tears them to nothing
'fore building back up
and praises the chaos
he hates that he loves
while two voices whisper
"come back to us"
two gods that do beckon
from shadows and dust

in dreams, he sees order
of chaos made quick
a pattern sped up
made of living things which
bear burdens and follies
seeing god through it all
where only is darkness
man's fated to fall
the seer through windows
too cloudy to view
knows secrets of workings
so old they are new
and driven to madness
torn by two ideals
he frenzies to shatter
the fortunate wheels.

The structure isn't bad, but the content was bland in my opinion. We have the subject, a man who has both indulged his base and civilized tendencies, and is questioning the degree to which he has balanced (or not balanced) the two. Correct me if I have misinterpreted the overall gist of the piece.

In any case, what would really be interesting is to elaborate on the mans experiences, rather than to simply allude to the fact that his nature apparently encompasses both ends of the spectrum. Illustrate the character for us. As it is, we have a chalk outline that is mostly unfilled.

Added a second and third verse and changed the first so that this tells more of a story rather than being a vague, universal statement... is this more what you were thinking?

I find it amazing how many poems come through here that invoke Greco-Roman mythology. Rather a popular bandwagon. I found the poem great, flowed wonderfully. It was a pleasure to read. However, I found it hard to extract much meaning from the piece. This applies mostly to the final stanza. The first two I could roughly trace the story of a man torn between indulgence and temperance, but that tangible, rational image quickly degraded into a bunch of pretty words. Maybe that's just me, others may take more out of it.
-cae

Originally Posted by michaelcthompson

I just wrote this short poem, I hope you enjoy it. Originally titled "Two gods," I have renamed it.

Hi Michael,
Wonderful poem, I feel it as if it was mine, sometimes in my dreams these Gods are the same... see you

caelum: The point of the third verse is to say that torn between chaos and order, darkness and light, he rages war against both - trying to destroy it all, rather than play the game. I will agree that the final stanza feels differently than the first two - if others have a hard time understanding it as well I may have to make some modifications. I can see how it could maybe be confusing... wasn't really sure if I should use the word "which" at the end of a line either. I am very new to poetry... more of a prose person here. I'm learning my way around it though! Thanks so much for your advice, it may help to make this piece better.

itwascold: Thanks - and they are the same!