Thread: Fairy Rain

This is a poem I wrote a while back. I was intending to write a small collection of illustrated children's poems. I didn't get far. This is one of them.

Fairy Rain

Dark, dark clouds
cover all the sky
except between where I still see blue.

And then, cool and wet,
the rain falls
like a million playful fairies.
They use my nose for a sliding board,
play hide and seek inside my hair
and in the grass.

They bounce on tree leaves,
then free fall to the ground
laughing and chattering in rain talk.
And oh, the street dance they do.

As far as my eyes can see,
they tap and pirouette,
leap to each others arms
to stream along the curb
to make my wading toes happy.

This is so absolutely lovely, Sondra. I urge you to continue compiling your collection as it will most certainly be well received by children and adults alike. I love the rain and your imagery was nothing short of fantastic. The inclusion of sliding board and hide and seek were sheer genius and work extremely well. It's no secret that I prefer dark stuff, but if all the light stuff were this engaging, perhaps that would not be true. Wading toes took me back to an age of innocence, when tootsies in puddles on a rainy summer afternoon was better than just about anything. Thank you.

Best,
Lisa

I will never look at rain the same way again, instead I'll be enticed to go outside and dance with the fairies.

This was a fun and pretty piece . I think kids would love this. My favourite line:

And oh, the street dance they do.

-cae

I am inclined to side with Katie D, I too will never look at rain the same way again. And for that, you have a successful poem. I like all of it except the first stanza, this came off as very redundant to me. I know that children will probably not catch that, but it still hinders the fluidity of your poem. It also makes little sense: How can something cover everything, but everything is not covered? It confuses me as the reader. So perhaps a different method of delivering the emotion? "Dark dread clouds (i'm like chesters daughter I like darker imagery, use dark or black or heavy or any other adjective you like) ehem...
Dark dread clouds
cover all the sky
yet in the horizon I see blue

It still tells of the beauty and hope that your blue sky represents, but without falsifying the second line. I hope I haven't come off as rude or anything, I am currently sick and tired. Anyway, it was a very enjoyable read, I suggest you keep writing

Lisa, I'm glad I brightened a moment with a little rain. I kinda like dark stuff, too. I used to go wading in the rain when I was a little girl, but I was always on the lookout for crawdads and water moccasins. That kept my moments dark, but I loved it anyway.

Katie and caelum, thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it. To me, rain is quite a wonder.

Prisioner of Prey, of course you haven't come off as rude. That is what this forum is for, to get impressions and advice. I think you have made a valid point about the clouds covering all the sky. I like your example and I will think about how to make that first stanza a little more clear and visual. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I hope you are feeling better.

always, Sondra