Thread: "Shadow and Flesh"

"Shadow and Flesh" Copyright 2009 by me. Michael C. Thompson.

----

what difference be there
'twixt shadow and flesh?
those two separate masters
become one in death
to dust flesh corrupts
yet shadow remains
and so in the end
they both measure same
through death's door one goes
while the other despoils
a shadow in the making
is a body in the soil.

Put in punctuation to increase readability and you have one magnificent poem. I tend to check poems, as I find many people plagiarize in forums to impress people or what have you, and because of how well-written this is, I did the same. Happy to say that it is original and I enjoyed it a great deal. I hope that you stick around, as you are a poet after my own heart.



T

I liek it but...

to dust flesh corrupts
yet shadow remains
and so in the end
they both measure same

has no meaning and should be changed

What I meant by the line was that both a shadow and dust weigh nothing. I guess if you wanna get technical, dust does weigh something, but...

Thanks for your opinion, I will continue to consider it! I can see where you are coming from, I guess I just view it differently - but maybe others will draw the same conclusion as you.

Originally Posted by Tenebris

Put in punctuation to increase readability and you have one magnificent poem. I tend to check poems, as I find many people plagiarize in forums to impress people or what have you, and because of how well-written this is, I did the same. Happy to say that it is original and I enjoyed it a great deal. I hope that you stick around, as you are a poet after my own heart.

T

Aw, thanks! I am so encouraged by your words. I shall post another soon. I've only written two poems in the last couple of years, ha... the other is in the same vein.

I read this the other day but was too pressed for time to comment, although like Tenebris, I was quite taken. I also would have preferred some punctuation, but it's your piece and your choice. I, too, think this is excellent, it crept beneath my skin and only the exceptional stuff does that. I had no problem with the lines in question, literally, their weights are not equal, but I think comparison works quite well in a figurative sense. Welcome to the forum, Michael, I shall be on the lookout for more of your offerings.

Best,
Lisa

Wow, thanks, I'm blushing!

Very serious subject - death, paired with imagery of funerals, shadows, rotting people. Yikes.

The shadow being the theme, it didn't feel unnatural that it was overpowering. Still, I think the concept could be described a little more. Maybe you can come back and develop it in the future.