Thread: Tales of a Frost Bitten Tango

Tales of a Frost Bitten Tango
In a frivolous pursuit to dock upon the shore
of a paradisaical wonderland, a place which I adored;
I landed somewhere in between, a Hell bathed in blood
and a land of the obscene.
Captured in a mind set, that I had never known;
I learned to find a comfort in the fate that I had sewn.
Things after which I lusted, I began to fear;
and that fear was driven mad by the way they would appear.
I rely on you,
your smile,
your skin,
and the way you lift me above everything I am.
Never a dream through which I walked,
but the reality through which I swam.
Never a person to believe the worst,
because I never gave a damn.
If I could, would you let me drift away,
on a raft of lulling thoughts; to a place where I can stay?
If given the opportunity, if I handed you the chance;
would you pick my brain, and watch my feelings dance?
Would you dance with them, or would that be too much?
The choreography can sense it, and I can feel it in your touch;
when you run your fingertips down the frost upon my spine.
I would never take that frost away, because the frost is mine.

I found this very pretty and easy to read. One possible crit is the verb tense, which breaks here,

In a frivolous pursuit to dock upon the shore
of a paradisaical wonderland, a place which I adore;
I landed somewhere in between

You could put adored instead.

Quite liked it, especially the ending lines on frost.
-cae

wow, thank you for pointing that out. I honestly didn't even notice that, and I've revised this like 10 times lol. Thank you very much Caelum!