Thread: Tao

Truths are close to lies, we feel,
when they don't let us feel secure.
Lies live on through comforting.
Most happy truths do not endure.

Honest Men we think care not,
the way we feel when we converse.
Compliments then feel quite good,
but bad news ends up being worse.

Symbols lie more oft than not,
but by themselves they are not bad.
Use them to suggest what is,
save truths to make a soul less sad.

Better not to know at all,
you'll be more social in the end.
Truth feels better when it's fresh
and spoken by an honest friend.

I really enjoyed this. I love the clean, crisp feel of the lines... and I honestly love the subject of your piece.

I loved it.
would have made me hurt if I hadn't just reinforced my walls.
all but the last sentance.. on the account I couldn't relate.

beautiful.
God bless.

I honestly am not a big fan of this, and most of this revolves around your use of language and the subject. Both of these feel somewhat recycled. You kept your rhythm in check throughout the piece, and outside of the bad/sad rhyme, you did well in this aspect also.

Honest
Truths
Feel

These words you use repetitiously and contributed to why I found it somewhat dry. As a result, I think that the subject of the poem was somewhat drowned by them and thus diluted. It required more than one read through to fully catch any subtleties in the poem due to the feeling I had that I had read it before. The message that you bring comes across as being somewhat verdant and not terrible novel.

I apologize if my review sounds negative, but I am truly trying to help. Given the reviews of the others, I may be the minority here, and thus my opinions not poignant, but I would nevertheless encourage you to work with the language you are using here.



T

gore-xx: Thank you for your honesty! I have this board to thank for making a point about meter, especially Tenebris.
Arcthomas: In the spirit of honesty, much of this poem is based off of the lessons I learned from reading Noam Chomsky. He at first comes off as kind of a jerk, but I realized that's only because what he says seems at first unconscionable. To a humanist, I think, people aren't meant to be incredibly polite to each other, especially when they're responsible for dreadful wars etc. I have never communicated with the man, so he's a friend only in a loose sense.
Tenebris - You have a point about the repetition. The "Honest Men" part could be changed to perhaps "Honest friends" so it would at least be consistent. If anyone else has an opinion, I'd be glad to know.

It's interesting you should call it dry and familiar. There is a line in the Tao Te Ching that goes like this:

Music or the smell of good cooking
may make people stop and enjoy.
But words that point to the Tao
seem monotonous and without flavor.

Maybe you'll enjoy this little doodle more: