Thread: I Once Thought...

Disclaimer:

The innocence of youth is on full display here, as dirty and real as it gets. Younger and more sensitive readers should stop reading now.

I once thought I swam with sharks
while I did laps in the pool.
I once thought that every teacher
lived right there at the school.

I once thought magicians were mean
when they asked "Is this your card?"
I once thought I could use The Force
if I just tried real hard.

I once thought I was a Nihilist
but I only fled remorse.
I once thought I'd ignore my conscience
but it got confused and hoarse.

I once thought any terrorist
must be of a diff'rent creed.
I once thought that men had sex with men
in the hole with which they peed.

I once thought that "hammiedowns"
described the clothes I wore.
I once thought that my parents
never ever swore.

I once thought it was a bright idea
to smoke a half-ounce of weed.
I once thought that —behind the scenes—
we're ruled by the Chinese.

I once thought that watching Barney
was the pinnacle of shame.
I once thought to tease a red-head
was only just a game.

I once thought that my pen-pal was
just one more piece of ass.
I once thought she'd wait some more
for us to meet at last.

I once thought any Democrat
couldn't ever err.
I once thought that no woman
had genitals, just fur.

I once thought the best sound there was
was my own dad's guffaw.
I once thought that all Republicans
loved to chew on straw.

I once thought all drug users
should be told what to do.
I once thought that cannabis
was really bad for you.

I once thought that teenagers
all lived life to the max.
I once thought The New York Times
could only print the facts.

I once thought that "lip-to-lip"
was more heartfelt than a "kiss."
Guess that proverb's mostly true in saying,
"ignorance is bliss."

Wake up call, love, I'm liking this. With a bunch of teenagers of my own, I'm feeling this. Bit too long, but I'm always guilty of the same. Your point was well made. Ignorance is bliss, but that doesn't help those fighting in the trenches. If only those under twenty could understand.

CD might have a point with length, but I think if people are honestly enjoying the poem, than the length won't matter so much here. It is one of those mildly amusing poems that will entertain a reader well enough that they will read each new stanza just to see what has been written. As such, I would say you are probably fine in this regard unless you change the tone to one more serious.

Something I would encourage you to take a second look at is some of the content in regards to what age you are portraying. Most of it seem childhood innocence, maybe ten years old or less, while other portions are into adolescence and do not mesh quite so well. How men have sex versus the concepts of Nihilism seem to be perspectives that are widely different based upon a child's age. I know that when I was ten I had no idea what a democrat or republican was, though times change and I think these are much more common words. Weed, and specific names like cannabis are also concepts that seem outside of childhood. I by no means object morally on any ground to these, but they do feel out of place to me. If the ideas were placed chronologically, I think that might improve the structure a bit, but much of it is mixed together at this point.

Your rhythm works very well and suits the tone of the poem nicely, and your rhymes seem to do fairly well despite a nagging impression I have that some of the ideas were molded to fit in with said rhymes.

I apologize if it seems like I am rambling, but I am muy tiredoso as they say in espanol. Hopefully there are a few coherent thoughts in this that are in some way useful.



T

ChestersDaughter (and Tenebris): Yes it is too long for its own good, especially since the conclusion at the end kind of comes out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I must have spent all my insight coming up with all of these things and trying to get them to rhyme and not an ending. Endings are hard!

Tenebris: The rhymes only informed the pairing of the words, not the content. And while it is true much of it is out of order, the examples you gave were not! It's true that I couldn't tell you what "cannabis" was until maybe high school but I knew what I was told about "marijuana." I couldn't describe political hegemony, but I knew about the two main parties. I experimented with Nihilism around the same time I saw a perversely illuminating cartoon music video titled "The Shlong Song." I think it came mostly from rebelling against the two main authorities in my life, the school and my parents, not to mention the vapidness of suburban culture, but that extremely unnerving image couldn't have helped either.

I thought for a moment of putting these in chronological order, but I'll be content if the mismatch has the effect of a psychological transfer, to prove that some things people might still believe as adults are just as idiotic as things they once believed as kids. I'm also afraid that as I got older, my ignorance would be more depressing, and it would leave the reader too much on a down-note.

iDrew - Yes I considered two line stanzas as well, but see what I wrote above about psychological transfer.

As always, your choice. I have no problem with that. The main reason I am posting, however, is because I forgot to point out that my signature is the inversion of your final lines.



T

Originally Posted by Tenebris

As always, your choice. I have no problem with that. The main reason I am posting, however, is because I forgot to point out that my signature is the inversion of your final lines.
T

Hey, that's pretty neat. Too bad I don't plagiarize.