Thread: "Pity is just another four letter word"

Home is never any where I need it to be
too close to home
to close to be anyone I need.

I know all those kinds of fools
easy to just slip away
no home to pull me through.


Standing empty with a half glass full.

get rid of the cliched last line!

Get rid of the exclamation mark, and maybe I’ll pretend to listen to your nonsense.

Re-read the last line again and you might actually note its impossibility and thus it's opposite to your 'cliché'. And this time, try not to be a complete moron.

Silly, silly you.

First line-Take out "any" it is implied within the context of the line and doesn't add anything. Also helps to improve flow/rhythm.
Third line-"to" should be "too." I am not sure how well "anyone" is working in this line. It causes me stress, but I may just need time to chew on it.
Fifth line-I would suggest losing the word "just."

Punctuation throughout would improve readability, or at the very least use line spacing and indentations to create natural breaks.

Other than that, I think it is super. I actually enjoy the spin on the last line. I have a feeling I am going to be thinking about those words a great deal.



T

I love the last line MeeQ, a good spin on the old cliche.