Thread: 25 steps closer

My first post. Be gentle with me. It's a very short peice from a notebook/journal I've been working on

Tick after terrible tick
tock after awful tock
It's getting late now and we're edging closer,
Ever closer to that evil drop

it is short but has impact. there is truth to this poem and envokes thought. I like it....

What a mystery! I agree with citygirl; the piece brings thought to the reader and many questions that can happily remain unanswered. With the title in mind, it has the feel of the classic 'evil footsteps approaching from the mist' story, which could add to the tension that this very short poem already has hidden beneath the surface. However, it would require you to change 'and we're edging closer' to a line that implies something dark edging ever-closer to the speaker. It could be fun to change small themes like this in the piece to see how many ways you can make a poem like this that still has the mystery and tension of the original (one of the benefits of micro-poems).

Thanks for the replies guys

Nick, i will take what you've said on board and se what I can do. I like your idea and will see what I can do. Poetry is new to me so I'm very thankful you guys took the time to comment

I like this a lot, semtecks. You haven't been about for a good while, but I still remember a piece you wrote about a forest, welcome back. The mystery of what that evil may be is intriguing and I like that. I would suggest different line breaks for the sake of greater impact something like:

Tick after terrible tick
tock after terrible tock
it's getting late now
and we're edging closer
ever closer
to that evil
drop

Just my humble opinion which you may not agree with. I'd lose the comma, you haven't used punctuation anywhere else. Yep, I really like this little gem.

Best,
Lisa