Thread: Poets Just Can't Be Pleased ( Edit 1 )

Martin brought to my attention that I missed the ever important "read published work" so I've included an additional stanza (currently placed sixth). Although it's all in good fun, some might find it potentially offensive, that said: READER DISCRETION ADVISED, and please remember, it's all in good fun.



Poets just can’t be pleased
no matter how you try to appease
we’ll search for your nits
and throw hissy fits
if you screw up an i before e.

God forbid you tell and don’t show
we won’t shrink from letting you know
your imagery's lacking
and your face deserves smacking
then move on to dissecting your flow.

Make sure your punctuation is right
‘cause us piranhas don’t nibble, we bite
be mindful of caps
or your knuckles, we’ll rap
then complain your clichés are trite.

Beware redundancy, it’s a killer
as is wordiness caused by filler
kindly get to the point
and keep our noses in joint
repetition is surely no thriller.

Corrupt syntax makes us see red
we abhor rhymes being force fed
if your meter has bumps
you’ll take your lumps
as we converge as a whole on your thread.

And if you haven't a single clue
our standard advice to you
is to read published work
so you won't seem a jerk
suck it up and skip the boohoos.

No, poets just can’t be pleased
so kindly accept your comments with ease.
We mean no disrespect
and your work’s not abject
pursuit of perfection has us diseased.





I plead guilty to inversion, please let the mauling commence. I'm still working on this, suggestions are solicited and would be greatly appreciated.

Love love love

You're preaching to the choir, honey! Love it.

God forbid you tell and don’t show
we won’t shrink from letting you know
your images are lacking
and your face deserves smacking
then move on to dissecting your flow

.

This one made me laugh out loud. You are terrible.

*Sigh* Lisa, such messy limericks you got here. I suggest you go read some more published poetry.

Right, off you go...

I think this was simply great. You covered just about every possible way poets criticize, lol. I laughed out loud a few times. One possible nit is, I don't know how much you like lining up your syllable counts, but I find that essential. Like, for a limerick structure,

A - 7
A - 7
B - 5
B - 5
A - 7

I find having a set syllable scheme moves poems miles towards having perfect stresses. IMO, you can deviate, but if you do it's best to keep the syllable count odd or even depending on the scheme they deviated from. Like, in my example above, if you wanted to deviate the second line you could put it to 9, but not to 8, cause it would break the meter. This is a theory I have; I've never read it anywhere or anything.

all the best, and great poem,
-cae

I love it Lisa! Thanks for the home study lesson in poetry.

Dear msweeble, Thank you, thank you, thank you. Elated you enjoyed.

Dear Cindy, Terrible, yep, that's me, but not nearly as terrible as the construction of this baby. I wrote this off the cuff and on a whim after writing a bunch of replies and feeling like a wicked witch who picks on every little thing. Happy for that laugh, love, I figured if the content couldn't coax at least a grin, the irony of the shoddy construction considering that content would at least be good for a giggle.

Dear Martin, I went, I read, I conquered, okay so I failed, but at least I tried. Seriously, love, I had an asthma attack from laughing after reading your reply, thank you. The mock limerick form was not intentional, and messy is being too kind, I even stooped to inversion. The lines came, I wrote them down and I just haven't gotten to fixing this up yet because I'm still trying to edit two older pieces. To make them true limericks would hamper my expression and require a complete rewrite. I could alter the rhyme scheme to something more conventional, but again, complete rewrite. Or, I could leave it as is with a few tweaks to tighten it up and let the ironic construction stand, and to be honest I'm leaning that way. This was just for fun, and fun it was, to make it frustrating work would defeat the purpose. Thanks again, love, that was a great belly laugh.

Dear Don, I am thrilled you laughed, that was the purpose. I've already explained why the construction is pretty poor and I do intend to clean it up some. You already know how much I admire your ear, actually envy would probably be a better word, but my experiences with syllable counts have sometimes proven fruitless. I've written pieces with both 8 and 10 across the board and they still read like a ride in an ancient pickup over a rutted dirt road. Now I worry more about stresses than actual counts, and I've found that stresses are a bitch of a master. This piece was not refined at all, which is not my usual habit of swapping things for day in the hopes of a steadier meter. You've made me realize I should go back to counting in conjunction with stress management (get it), if it's good enough for you, who writes metered verse so well, then it's good enough for me. Appreciate the time you took with this, love.

Dear Nellie, I am so pleased you loved it and truly appreciate your mention of lessons. When my daughter plunked me down here three years ago, I knew none of this stuff, absolutely nil. Every one of those lessons were learned right here, so it is with a sweeping thankful bow and the utmost respect that I shout: Long live Writing Forums.com!

Thank you all for sharing a few of your precious moments with me.

All my best, always,
Lisa

Wonderful, you covered it all. When I critique, I'm just going to copy and paste and throw your poem in there and save myself a world of time and effort. Thank you, Lisa, you're the best.

Seriously, I love it but there are a few little things, perhaps you should look at this and glean some help.

Poets Just Can't Be Pleased


Poets just can’t be pleased
no matter how you try to appease
we’ll search for your nits
and throw hissy fits
if you screw up an i before e.

God forbid you tell and don’t show
we won’t shrink from letting you know
your imagery's lacking
and your face deserves smacking
then move on to dissecting your flow.

Make sure your punctuation is right
‘cause us piranhas don’t nibble, we bite
be mindful of caps
or your knuckles, we’ll rap
then complain your clichés are trite.

Beware redundancy, it’s a killer
as is wordiness caused by filler
kindly get to the point
and keep our noses in joint
repetition is surely no thriller.

Corrupt syntax makes us see red
we abhor rhymes being force fed
if your meter has bumps
you’ll take your lumps
as we converge as a whole on your thread.

No, poets just can’t be pleased
so kindly accept your comments with ease.
We mean no disrespect
and your work’s not abject
pursuit of perfection has us diseased.

What a silly day here in the poetry section, haha.

I'm glad I made you laugh, Lisa, that was the only critique I thought was missing. But seriously, I don't think this needs tightening at all. On the contrary, it's the perfect lesson for poetry class.

All the best,
Martin

Lisa, Most generous of critique, can you ever forgive me for arriving so late? Have been in Washington with Senators in conference. I expained my compaints via verse just as you have marvelously demonstrated here, pointing out the dreary, frustrating plight of us poets.

I laughed all the way through. The best therapy, especially as I cancelled my appt. today.

If I were drinking a beverage, I would have spit it all out. Just too funny!

your imagery's lacking
and your face deserves smacking

In the end you soften, humour still there. The best rhyming, I think, here. And so true! pursuit of perfection has us diseased. You drove it home and got a little chill.

No, poets just can’t be pleased
so kindly accept your with ease.
We mean no disrespect
and your work’s not abject
pursuit of perfection has us disesead.

Per usual, I thouroughly enjoy your work and this piece is a charm! Laurie

I'm sure everyone has their one or two lines they like in this, but for reasons that are quite apparent if you've read some of my stuff, these ones stood out:

if your meter has bumps
you’ll take your lumps

Didn't mean to cannibalize your poem to find myself in it, but here I am.

Dear Sondra, You awful girl you, I was elated with your response until I got to seriously... I stopped dead and ran for the crying towel, returned and read on and charley horsed the belly laughing when I realized what was going on. Thank you ever so much, I am so very honored at the generosity and kindness of your reply. I can't possibly be the best, though, you already own that title.

Dear Martin, My insecurity is still showing, I am thrilled you think it can stand as is. After a little space, I didn't find it as horrible as I had initially thought, there are still a few bumps that need tending to. I'm so accustomed to beating my pieces into submission for days before posting, I was sure this just wouldn't fly right. Forgive me for missing your intended quip, where was my mind to have missed the most important advice of all, it's what got me on the right track. What an airhead I am. I've added a stanza, as you probably already know. I admitted to being terrible earlier in this thread, that stanza upgrades me to bloody horrible. Thanks so much, love.

Dear Laurie, There are no timeclocks here, all I care about is that you showed up to the party however fashionably late. You returned the sorely needed favor of, ugh, dare I say it, a fit of girlish giggles *shudder* how ever will I be able to maintain my dark side after that admission. See the trouble you cause? Elated you laughed, love, if anyone needs a little chuckle, it's you. Honored I could provide it.

Dear Chic, I hope it's okay to address you as such, I hope you found the flesh tasty. Don't feel bad, hon, I've committed every one of these crimes multiple times and am surprised I haven't been sent to the chair for my indiscretions. How kind my fellow poets are. I've read two of your thus far, your meter is pretty consistent, I think, stop worrying so much. That meter is a bitch and a half to master, somehow, i think the struggle never ends, unless, of course, you're caelum (don't hate me cae, I just hadda, no red cheeks, hon) who has a great ear. Practice makes perfect, keep plugging, it gets easier with time. I'll catch up on all of yours asap, been really busy with doctors and my mind is mush.

That catching up applies to everyone, I've fallen behind, yet again, but will remedy that as soon as my mind quiets. Can't thank you all enough for your time and lovely replies.

All my best,
Lisa

Ahh, I hadn't noticed that you'd missed that one. Now the list is complete.

Hi Chestersdaughter, I really like this poem. Especially the following lines:

Beware redundancy, it’s a killer
as is wordiness caused by filler

Corrupt syntax makes us see red
we abhor rhymes being force fed

You must have worked really hard on this to get the meter and rhyme to work so well.

Well done.

Love,

Firebird

Dear Cindy, I don't know how the hell I missed the one thing that saved my butt. Perhaps I'm in denial. lol.

Dear Firebird, Glad you enjoyed, love. I must be honest here. I've worked on certain pieces for weeks, swapping, counting, crying for hours and throwing things at the wall, but this one was completed in about an hour and a half. Which can only mean one thing, it was already written in bits and pieces in my head and was just waiting for me to marry all the tidbits. Thank you so much for your kind and generous words.

All my best,
Lisa