Thread: Necromancer: The Awakening

Necromancer: The Awakening

He has the largest hands;
electric fingers that raise her
raise her,
a mouth
that kisses where she’s afraid.

She sleeps in motion, in swirls,
in swirls,
her hieroglyphs unfurl
like the scrolls
of a butterfly wing.

She has the smallest hands.
Unsteady palms that spill,
that spill,
anesthesia’s tomb
into the throes of living air.

Underneath the veil
his golden leaves
scratch her ankles,
and catch inside her hair.
She stirs to his adornment;
Pegasus and his wings;
the sky full of moon and stars

Somnolent, in shadow dance,
she rises to his eyes,
his eyes,
where prisms magnify
all her light.
Within the sparkles,
she reads her beauty.

Holy crap, this is so wonderful. You have the most amazing talent for making the reader vibrantly see in depths only viperfish know. Stinking HD pales in comparison. Love your use of the butterfly wing, the impeccable wording, and the entire last stanza, absolutely brilliant. And it flows beautifully. I've always said you get me the hell out of here, thanks so much for another titillating journey, Sondra, your return is most certainly an unequaled gift.

Best always,
Lisa

I can only echo Lisa here, Sondra. This one gets my mind going to very dark places.

Lisa and Cindy,thank you for reading, and the appreciation you have for it makes me feel so good. I glad it takes you on journeys whether dark or light.

Sondra

Sondra, I too enjoy the way you voice your pieces. And with your themes and imagery you make a strong impact. In this one I really liked the play between the sinner and the innocent and how they melt together. I have some suggestions and comments:

Necromancer: The Awakening good and promising title.

He has the largest hands;
electric fingers that raise her "electric" didn't quite seem to fit the theme for me. Maybe "sparkling"?
raise her,
a mouth
that kisses where she’s afraid. great way of already setting the scene and the distinction between the two.

She sleeps in motion, in swirls,
in swirls, here the repetition didn't read that well I thought. Maybe use a synonym?
her hieroglyphs unfurl
like the scrolls
of a butterfly wing. very interesting imagery and metaphor these three lines.

She has the smallest hands.
Unsteady palms that spill,
that spill,
anesthesia’s tomb
into the throes of living air. Nice Stanza.

Underneath the veil
his golden leaves It's probably just me, but I'm not quite sure what "golden leaves" are meant to symbolise? Something like superiority maybe?
scratch her ankles,
and catch inside her hair.
She stirs to his adornment;
Pegasus and his wings;
the sky full of moon and stars In these two lines the imagery and metaphor are maybe a bit over the top!

Somnolent, in shadow dance,
she rises to his eyes,
his eyes, excellent repetition here.
where prisms magnify
all her light.
Within the sparkles,
she reads her beauty. I love this ending, it all comes together in that they both crave the whole act.

Again really nice piece. I hope my suggestions had something on them, otherwise feel free to ignore.

Best,
Martin

MARTIN, thank you so much for reading my poem and taking the time to critique. i'm glad you enjoyed it. it's interesting that your interpretation was of evil and innocence and how they meld together. My thought when I wrote it was that the power of love, understanding and strength could restore a troubled and weak soul , and through that combination, find the will to welcome life and recoginize her worth through his loving eyes. I, however, really like the idea that you had a different take on it. It's interesting how that happens. I can see the word necromancer could feel sinister, and hocus pokusy.

I actually seached out more meanings to replace "electric" but I couldn't find anything that felt right. I was thinking more of magnetic , powerful. I suppose "golden leaves" means his words, his presence heard and felt inside her fog. The wings and moon and stars are the promise. Wow, the things one man can do.!!!

I don't know if my idea came across the way I was feeling it, but again, interpretation is in the mind of the reader.

I appreciate your time and effort. Thank you, Martin. Sondra

The repititions concerned me, too. I am looking into that.

I love this, too - especially the second stanza. Also, the repetition of form works really well.

Beautiful!

Love,

Firebird

Sondra, thanks for sharing your intentions. It's the way in which the female unfolds, that we read differently I think. I see the girl recognising her inner and bestial nature, with the help of him who has already accepted it. It might be a male perspective then... but none the less, it comes off beautifully in its heavy terminology, as all those are exactly the illusions of what we are...

A necromancer is definitely sinister - someone who toys with death, brings it back to life. You actually use him as a kind of healer right? That's a new take for me at least, but I do like it.

Take care,
Martin

i think this is very clever. i like the idea of someone reading their own beauty by the reactions of others towards them. nice languange and word layout, good poem shape.