Thread: Autumn in New York Can Literally Be a Blast

Ominous slate,
somehow a sickly green,
drooped like the flab of the obese
almost touching wooden arms
still bedecked in summer finery.

Squirrels scurried
and birds took flight
moments before rumbles rocked the house
and daytime darkness was torn asunder
by unbridled voltage.
Nature's fury on display
during a gratis yet unwelcome matinee.

Pelting began,
deluge drenching denizens
and all else sans the safety of cover.
Heaven heaved ping pong balls
mistook the windows for paddles
as patter progressed to pounding.

Mother exhaled
with the force of a final death rattle,
and like any other lady
during that time of the month,
got her panties twisted
in a bunch
making her roar with displeasure.

Wooden arms snapped
whipped into whirling winds,
some becoming unwilling transplants
on bodies of metal and glass
erected by men.
Toppled Goliaths crushed cars,
denuded roots still clinging
to crumbled concrete,
as Mother mimicked an airliner's engine
until she was spent
and all became still.

The borough was bathed
in a stunned silence
until the sirens began
and did not cease for hours,
many still in the dark for a lack of power
as downed lines decorated closed roads
and New York's finest
clocked a ton of overtime hours.

Queens is not equipped for twisters,
we haven't a clue how to clean up the clutter
and the last thing we need
is more crap in our gutters.

Oh that had to be scary! Glad you got through that, and were even able to write about it with your usual humorous slant.

I have to say that the ending was perfect! Loved it.

We only got lightening, thunder and rain out here on the Island from the twister. Nature left you a mess indeed. And I agree with Cindy I loved the last stanza.

Also:

Heaven heaved ping pong balls
mistook the windows for paddles
as patter progressed to pounding

Just brilliant imagery!

got her panties twisted
in a bunch

A first I didn't care for this. Thinking too trite. But decided you can get away with it because of your sense of humour peppered throughout and it is fun imagery.

There you go, girlfriend. Brave the storm with a poem. Laurie

Woah, that sounded intense. Must have been a crazy storm. Your ending reminds me of a sonnet's ending, a nice little rhyme to finish on.
-cae

I simply love how you described the storm. It was elogant in every way. You give the storm a humane element, which is rather fantastic in my opinion. Well done!

You guys are falling down on the job. Why didn't anyone read me the riot act over the awful repetition of hours in the penultimate stanza? I don't know how the hell I did that, but blame my rush to post while it was still topical, won't be doing that again. One of them has to go, but I can't decide which, will probably rewrite the stanza and lose the stupid rhyme altogether.

Dear Cindy, Scary, indeed. Never have I been surrounded by such furious power, nor do I want to be again. Makes one feel like an insignificant speck in the grand scheme of the universe. But I have to be honest and say there was somehow an incredible beauty in that fury. I truly feel for those who live in the tornado belt. You know me, love, gotta poke fun at that which scares me and I'm so happy you liked the ending and that we were spared the devastation that was within walking distance.

Dear Laurie, Usually, you guys out on the island get it worse than us, guess it was our turn to weather the weather. Glad you liked the ending also, and the ping pong balls, wasn't too sure about that one. Your initial distaste for "panties in a bunch" has great merit, I'm still contemplating removing it. I guess it can be considered a nervous laugh on my part, I was momentarily terrified because it was so bad outside and the house that Joe built is held together with spit, I had to make a joke of it. God forbid big bad Lisa is afraid of something. lol.

Dear Don, Glad you also liked the ending, and yes, some crazy storm. A brand new bus kiosk three blocks away was ripped in two, the metal twisted, and the upper half landed in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot across a two lane avenue. Most of neighborhood lost power and all those beautiful old trees were destroyed, that makes me sad because they'll probably not be replaced.

Dear Ke, Elated you enjoyed, hon, and that my descriptions were to your liking. I like to use personification once in a while and I'm glad that worked for you, also. Truly appreciate your kind words.

Thanks again, guys, for sharing some of your precious time with me.

All my best,
Lisa

You have a very good control over the power of your imagery. I could feel the poem, so to speak. The whole thing was pulling me in two directions. The serious, forceful side, and the humorous side. I think you acheived a harmonious balance. I'm not one for humour, but I found this was done with good balance and taste.

I felt that:

"during that time of the month,
got her panties twisted
in a bunch"

was out of place at first, but as I read on, the humour became more prominent and it didn't seem as bad. I'm still iffy about it though. The other humour seems more light-hearted. Maybe I have no clue what I'm talking about.

Given what I've said, I incredibly enjoyed it. As I previously stated, you have a tremendous reign over the force of your imagery and language. It has a lot of oomph. And there was something pleasurable about it. It was excellent. Paradoxically, it brightened up my darkened day.

Dear BB, Wow, hon, I can't thank you enough for your generous words, truly appreciated. I am thrilled that the humor worked for you since you're not partial to it, very thrilled. I'll take oomph any day of the week, I've been told that sometimes I'm too pushy and don't allow the reader to breathe and have to be mindful not to be overpowering, it's not reader friendly. I'm still on the fence with bunched panties, it works to a certain extent, but as you said, it's a bit abrupt. But when I really thought about it, I think that's exactly what I wanted subconsciously. I believe I was trying to mimic the abruptness of her wrath, one moment calm, the next fury, because she jolted me, I jolted the reader. Not sure if that was such a wise decision, though. I am grateful for the time you took with this as well as your kind compliments, I respect your work and your reaction to this piece was an honor to me. Elated you enjoyed, really.

All my best,
Lisa

I like "denuded roots," and the ending gave me a chuckle. kudos.

Dear Loki, Thank you, love, I am also partial to the assonance of denuded roots. Glad I could entice that chuckle, laughing in the face of disaster works very well for me, I do, however, believe that I when die it'll be from choking on my own chuckle. Thanks for stopping by, hon.

Best,
Lisa