Thread: Ends in Orphan

1.
If you’ve ever smoked phencyclidine,
you know that one reason things are
concrete
is because you believe them to be.

I’m trying not to marginalize myself,
but I’m having some trouble,
so I’ll tell you to imagine these things
as if they were true to you.

After all, if our lives come down
to only a few moments,
mine are mine
only by proxy.

2.
There’s no easy way to tell you
that I’ve seen two people
try to end their lives.

Purpose becomes them
the way it becomes everyone.

Their eyes reflect the windows
of small charter planes
that tip their windows
to watch the ocean like a wall.

I was a pilgrim,
walking away from myself
in the middle of a street
closed for a block party.

My friends raced on the sidewalk,
and I rooted for them both
until they melted into the asphalt heat
at the top of the hill.

3.
I want you to understand something
here if nowhere else.

It takes light a million years
just to leave the sun.
By that time, it understands
how the world should be.

It tells me,
bricks are red
and streets are black.

When dusk settles down
like a housecat beyond the horizon,
the world forgets
how it’s supposed to be.

Nothing divides the horizon,
nothing keeps us from the sky.

I really liked this one, Loki.

3.
I want you to understand something
here if nowhere else.

It takes light a million years
just to leave the sun.
By that time, it understands
how the world should be.

It tells me,
bricks are red
and streets are black.

When dusk settles down
like a housecat beyond the horizon,
the world forgets
how it’s supposed to be.

Nothing divides the horizon,
nothing keeps us from the sky.

I'm kind of stuck with this one. It still needs work, but I'm not really sure how.

In the first section, the "one reason" part. "I was a pilgrim" has too short of a cadence. And I don't much like the "housecat beyond the horizon."

Although this is a bit on the abstract side, at least to me, I also like it. Never smoked whatever that is, but I think your "one reason" is stellar. The blunt statement of "I was a pilgrim" doesn't screw with your flow, I think it works well, but yourself in the following line is awkward, just "you" would be better and would probably remedy what you think is lacking in the cadence. Sorry, can't agree with you regarding "housecat..." I really like it, I'm not, however, fond of the numbers, but since they're there I'll use them. Favorite parts: 1, final stanza; 2, final three stanzas have excellent and original imagery, and 3 in its entirety, including housecat. Again, a bit on the abstract side, but given the theme, I suppose it's befitting. Nicely done, Loki.

Best,
Lisa

Ah, the yourself is a typo. I tried writing the whole thing in second person narrative, but it was garbage. When I switched back, I missed this. Supposed to be "myself." I'll change it.

Thanks for the comps. Shame you don't like the numbers.