Thread: Frolic Lolly

Frolic Lolly Lillipop
By the meadow’s pool-stop.
“Ready!” said she, “Belly flop!
Pleased to be a diver!” Plop.

Swimming, Lolly found a fish,
Ate it quickly, tasty dish.
Slippery scales slimy slurped,
Not a lady, Lolly burped.

Reaching beach her body dried,
Driving homeward, Lolly died.
‘Twas a semi struck her car,
Now she frolics off and far.

~~~~~

In a fit of pure boredom I whipped up this little piece of nonsense. Hope you like it. I had this idea of a ridiculous heroine, Lolly Lillipop, and her adventure. I don't know about the continuity; for me it's pretty clear—she's at a wild pool, swims, eats a fish, gets out, etc.—but I don't know how it will strike others. I'm also new to grammar with poems, don't normally use any. Thanks.
-cae

Frolic Lolly Lillipop
By the meadow’s pool-stop.
“Ready!” said she, “Belly flop!
Pleased to be a diver!” Plop.

Swimming, Lolly found a fish,
Ate it quickly, tasty dish.
Slippery scales slimy slurped,
Not a lady, Lolly burped.

Up to this point, I was laughing inside with a big smile on my face. It seemed like such a fun, nonsensical, whimsical romp. But that last stanza was a surprise! I didn't want Lolly to die.

If you re-write that last stanza in the same light hearted mode it would be a very nice poem.

Yeah, it broke my heart a bit to make her die, Gumby. I may have to change it. I like the way tragedies make things more poignant, and I like the juxtaposition of death with such lighthearted subject matter (really derails the reader), but yeah, I don't much want to see her die either. Thanks for the input.

On the other hand, you did accomplish a quick mood change there. Kind of like those movies where the likable character steps out into the street, turns to wave at the camera, and a semi comes from nowhere and sweeps them away!

A million thanks. You provided a smile just when I needed it and then turned around and slapped it right off my face, my kinda stuff. Too bad poor 'ol Lolly had to expire, but that unexpected flip is fantastic. Perhaps nonsense to you, but a few moments of great read for me.

Best,
Lisa

wow caelum is there anything you can't do?

Oh, please. You're too kind. Thanks Alan and Lisa. Who knows, I may rework it to give it a more positive finish.

Nay, I say! and this I thought about. After the shock wore off, I thought perhaps it would be better with a more positive finish. Came up with a few happier ideas and realized I love the twist. Your piece, your decision, love, but it's the contrast of the happy rhyme with the unhappy ending that gives this bite. Take that with a grain of salt, though, I'm a morbid thing.