Thread: Creepy Doctor E (Language)

The man behind the mask
should be put to task
to learn how to relate
to battered bodies brought by fate.

Devoid of his disguise
one comes to realize
shaggy hair that I despise
was grown to hide his eyes.

Veil of tresses occlude the cold
that screams from orbs so bold
one would take off for the hills
though zonked on happy pills.

If I carved him up to bits
and it was he who felt like shit
could he be so quick to abase
those he should embrace?

Next time I'm left alone
with his scalpels primed for bone
I'll palm just one or two
to turn his guts to goo.

When it's he who's on the table
and I reveal that I'm unstable
will he cry out in remorse
'til his larynx has gone hoarse?

A false sorry will be belated
for once he's mutilated
just a self consult will be allowed,
hope his wife has a burial shroud.

You're a creep, Doctor E
and I loathe you viciously.
Time to right your many mistakes,
my shyster's sure I have a stake
and what's yours is mine to take.




Sorry guys, I know I must seem utterly neglectful, there are a ton of pieces I have to catch up on as well as replies to my own threads. My visit with the above mentioned asshole was a disaster and left me in tatters, but I simply had to get this out. Please bear with me a little longer and I'll get myself up to date. You're a bushel of peaches.

My meter is off here and there, any suggestions would be seized upon and greatly appreciated, I just wanted to get the damn thing out of my head already.

I'm afraid tro write what i've assumed.
but over all the poem was nice..

Dear Arc, If what I assume is your assumption, please shelve those fears. If that were the case, I would have headed farther south with that scalpel, literally. Please tell me, what did you think happened? Thank you kindly for nice, I'm guessing you're referring to the construction and not the actual content which is downright spiteful and deservedly so. Truly appreciate your thoughts on this one, love.

Best,
Lisa

Lisa, I'm very aware of the details of what you're going through and it amazes me that you're able to write anything at all during this period. Your poems is angst ridden and as you've already stated very cathardic.

Here is an example where you could improve beat.

Devoid of his disguise
one comes to realize
shaggy hair that I despise
was grown to hide his (two syllable word) eyes

Good luck today. I will be thinking of you!

You know my meter is still in the shop, so I'll just say I enjoyed this and the sentiment behind it is understood. Wishing you all the best Lisa.

Lisa,

I'm not going to comment on your meter because we all know that mine needs working on, also. But I do like the content and sentiment of the poem. I've had many issues with doctors and find this very cathartic. Not too many doctors these days take time to really listen or can relate to the patients. A lot of them are know-it-all assholes.
Hope you're feeling better.

Cindy

Hey, Lisa, very powerful poem. Sounds like your doc is a dick. Some just have no empathy for their patients. I hope you get a better one, or, at the very least, palm one of those scalpels . hehh
all the best,
-don

Okay, so we all know this is nothing but a glorified rant disguised as poor poetry. I was going to refine it, but as of today, I must rescind the sentiment. Doctor E finally saw me, although it took a vocabulary of multisyllabic doc speak for that to happen. I'm getting my surgery before my insurance is nixed. God is great. I cannot thank you all enough for your continued and unwavering support. My son's lending me his iPad for the hospital so once I'm not totally gone on morphine, last time I met Oprah, don't ask, I'll still be able to stay in touch. You guys are the best.

Dear Laurie, I won. Love you.

Dear Cindy, Your well wishes bolstered my strength and gave me the courage to go on, love you, too, always will. As for meter, in this one, since I no longer support the message, I think I'll pass, imperfection isn't the end of the world this time around, even for obsessive me.

Dear Cindy (Nellie), I know you have faced the same demons as I. I truly wish I could pass some of my success to you, love, I am so sorry for your suffering. I truly appreciate your support because I know it comes from a place of true understanding. I will be praying for you. As for the meter, screw it, I'm slated to get what I so desperately need.

Dear Don, Dick has been downgraded to pubic hair. I need him, and he heard me, for once. I am truly grateful for your support.


If it weren't for all of you, I doubt I would have had the courage to approach him on his own ground with his own words. You stoked a fire that led to success, blessings to all.


With every fiber of goodness I possess,
Lisa

I'm not aware of your situation, because I'm new here... but I just wanted to say that I liked your poem. I really enjoyed the simple rhyme scheme you used on this piece. It really lent itself well to this poem, and I think the reason being is that you offset the simplicity of the rhyme scheme with a wonderful sense of imagery and beautifully poetic words.

The only thing I think I would change is when you used the word phony... it just seemed a little out of place to me, but maybe that's just my personal preference. I would have used a word like fake or false... but that's just me.

Overall I think you did a great job on this, and I look forward to reading some more of your work.

Dear gore, Welcome! I apologize for the delay, Doctor E has been running me ragged with an overabundance of testing. My situation is finally winding down to what I hope will be a happy ending and is far too tedious to bore you with. It's amazing how our opinions of people change when they do what we want, and finally get a haircut. lol. I agreed with your suggestion and changed phony to false, thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed the piece, or rather rant, in its shoddy condition, but this is one I'll be leaving alone. It's served its purpose. Thank you, again.

Best,
Lisa