Thread: Down the Snowy Road

Here's my poem. I'll welcome your comments.

Down the Snowy Road

It was night,
And I was walking down the road
On a long path
which was all covered in silver snow

Going to the far distance all alone.

The air was still.
The sky was full of flakes
Of various shapes
Falling from the sky
Dancing to the floor.

No one was out.
It was me and my God and my road.
I was alone.
It was me and the land covered in snow.

I was going to a far distance all alone.

Naked trees
With their demanding hands in a row
Brought to the ground
Under the heavy mass of silver snow.

It was night
And I was walking down the road.
There was no one
But me in a beautiful show.

The sky was rich
In stars, drifting down to the earth.
There were stars
All over me and my heart and my soul.

It was night
And my footsteps left behind in a row
I was alone
On a path to far distance in the snow...

Simple and fresh piece where repetition really works. Could be turned into a song.
A couple of things: I would check punctuation and get rid of some 'and' and 'with'.

Starlight, I very much enjoyed this poem. Your visuals brought me into your scene. e.g.

The air was still.
The sky was full of flakes
Of various shapes
Falling from the sky
Dancing to the floor.

The only thing which threw me off was the use of "floor" in this context. I understand the clever connection but think it might be used at the expense of the poem on it's own, bringing us in from the outdoors. Maybe,"Dancing to nature's floor"?

A good rule of thumb is to avoid using caps for every line. It will read much smoother if you keep on top of punctuation. Quite the challenge for me, still!

A fine poem! Laurie

Simple and fresh piece where repetition really works. Could be turned into a song.
A couple of things: I would check punctuation and get rid of some 'and' and 'with'.

Thank you Winkash for your comments! Actually I was wondering whether I should put it under Poetry or Lyrics and finally decided to place it here.

The only thing which threw me off was the use of "floor" in this context. I understand the clever connection but think it might be used at the expense of the poem on it's own, bringing us in from the outdoors. Maybe,"Dancing to nature's floor"?

You're right, SilverMoon! I'd better think of something else instead of "floor". Thanks for your kind comment. BTW, I like your name. Actually I was about to register as "Silver Moon" but then I saw your name! Good thing I didn't!

SilverMoon says to Starlight...I think "floor" is great!. I'm thinking an adjetive before. Nudge..."winter's white floor". Something of the sort.
Endless possibilities! All up to you. Just my opinion, to keep it in.

P.S. I will say a refreshing read but with the haunt of traveling alone to an unkown, far destination. This poem cloaked in white works very well.