Thread: Four Square

Hello,

Since I'm still relatively new here, I thought I'd post another poem. Please let me know what you think.

A schoolyard scrap
on the planet's playground.
The children cheer
as the principal panders.
Mothers bolster the
bratty lust for battle.
Win or lose,
none prevail.

Hi, Flying. I actually liked this so much I thought you could make the poem more lengthly.

A schoolyard scrap
on the planet's playground.

Excellent and excellent start!

Mothers bolster the
bratty lust for battlel

Here, I would consider finding another word for "lust". It threw me off a bit.

Very much enjoyed. Laurie ~

I like the title and the metaphor here, very nice! I too, would like to see you expand this as there's so much more you could do with it. Having said that, I did enjoy it thoroughly, good job!

Yes I also like how it compares a child's game to war. But to me, its not about any profound metaphor (which I could be totally off-base on), but about reminding me of my nostalgic days in elementary school. Man did I love playing four square...

I don't think you need an apostrophe. Isn't this just the pluralized form of mother?

really, really short. another vote for expansion. don't lose potency in size though!