Thread: Lady Arkansas

I met a girl just the other day,
with a breeze of a whisper
and forestry green eyes
with a gaze fixed upon anything
and everything
from the tallest peak, to the liquid mirror -
crystal blue rivers and its banks.

I fell in love with lady Arkansas,
her eyes were the greenest of all fifty
of her brothers and sisters.
Her veins ran miles long,
yards wide, and meters deep
of the bluest blue I had ever seen.

Her hair was a lighter shade of that bluest blue
with specks of white here and there.
Now that may sound strange on a lady
but I tell you, it's the prettiest hair I've ever seen.

I've met all fifty of the brothers and sisters,
I've shook their hands and sat down for dinner
with each and every one
but I tell you -
she's the prettiest of them all.

Her accent still lingers in my ear
though sadly I can't see her for a while.
I'm here in the heart of Texas,
but my heart lay in the hills of Arkansas
tucked safely away, patiently waiting
for me to return to the pretty lady Arkansas.

Oh, I just love Arkansas! Plan on moving there soon, myself, so I know exactly what you're saying here.

This almost feels like a song to me.

Oh I feel much passion injected into the theme of this poem. Although the first stanza could do with a few periods, I wouldn't deny how rosy your imagery was.

Gumby, I plan on attending college there once I graduate high school! Currently going into my senior year. It's my absolute favorite place on Earth. I do suppose I could re-format this a bit into a song, create a catchy chorus and such. I may fool around with that a little bit, thank you!

Foxryder, I went and re-read the first stanza and you are correct, I'll throw in a period or two. Much appreciated for pointing that out and stopping by for the read.

Welcome to the forum, Connway. This is a fine tribute to Lady Arkansas and I love what you're saying. The piece, however, could use a few tweaks. In S1, forestry is awkward, forest would be better. In the final line, its should be their, you are talking about more than one river. I absolutely loved liquid mirror. In S2, you use greenest, we already know her eyes are green, to avoid such close repetition, may I suggest using a different adjective, loveliest (lousy example, but you get the gist) or some such. I think you should remove fifty in S2, she really only has forty nine, just leave it at "of all of her brothers...". In S4, retain the fifty, she's part of the group, but perhaps use siblings in lieu of brothers and sister to again avoid repetition. Love the last stanza but you should remove the final Arkansas and leave it at "return to the pretty lady", actually, lovely lady might be a better choice as you use prettiest in the previous stanza.

I hope I do not seem too harsh, I truly did enjoy the piece, and I am looking forward to reading more of your work.

Best,
Lisa

ChestersDaughter, don't worry you were far from too harsh. Critique such as yours is the reason I posted my work. I can't very well get published someday if all anyone ever does is sing praise. I greatly appreciate all of your advice and all of it will be taken into consideration and most likely acted on. Thank you for taking the time not only to read my piece but also to find ways to improve it, cheers!

Also, check back tomorrow evening as I'll be revising it sometime tonight or in the morning.