Thread: Un-Wittingly

I untied love's fragile tether
Mayhap that I did not know better
Sweet complication I now lack
Since I stabbed her in the back

And when she turned to walk away
I could not retort, report, or say
Now, impaled by my own sword
Alas, I cut that tender cord

The fourth line of the first stanza made me laugh out loud. I thought this is some kind of delicious send-up. But the second stanza seems rather sad, though it doesn't come together, making sense-wise. Overall, I'm left rather puzzled.

I think its rather simple and easy to understand. He screwed up. Heh. Heartfelt for sure. The first part seems rather unpolished when compared to the second. It just flows better. Though the rhyming feels kind of forced, it gets better as it goes.

Thank you J.R., as was I left rather puzzled. I am not a poet, as you can tell. In fact I don't even know why I wrote this a couple of days ago. But I couldn't decide if this person wittingly or unwittingly destroyed his or her relationship so I posted it to see if someone else could. And I'm sorry JonM, but it is not heartfelt. The word 'mayhap" popped into my head while driving the other day and I wanted to write something around it. Thank you both. I do appreciate your reading it. I normally write shorts and fiction which I plan to post some of and would sincerely appreciate your opinions on that when I do.

Welcome to the forum, Jeep. I liked this and thought your gentleman's confusion was quite palpable. Perhaps he's engaging in a bit of forehead slapping since taking that stab. If you can write this, you are a poet, you just don't know it yet. I look forward to seeing more from you.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you Lisa. Generally if I write poetry, it is only on the paper in my mind and as I lay in bed about to fall asleep and then it is nowhere to be found in the morning. This one I actually thought of during my waking hours.
Mark.