Thread: Molasses

Molasses

Vanished is the innocent youth
When the years flowed like molasses
And no liquid pain stung our eyes

Vanished is the ultimate truth
A heat haze in the crevasses
For we’ve forgotten how to fly

Hi Moonxw,

I like the theme here of how youth is lost and some of the lines. I not sure though if the rhymes contribute anything. Unfortunately, moving like molasses is a cliche.

Enjoyed reading.

Love,

Firebird

I used the rhymes to keep a slow melody, as appropriate for the content. I've never seen other people use molasses specifically, but w/e. It wasn't the main point, just an arbitrary bit that happened to summarize. Thanks for the comment.

Like Firebird, I enjoyed the meaning of lost youth, and I think you have portrayed that well. The poem flows nicely with a steady pace (except for the second line of the second stanza. I'm not sure why this is - maybe it's just the words being softer than the words of the previous lines). The reason I haven't acknowledged the exception of the second line of the second stanza as a real problem is because it doesn't cause too much hassle for the reader.

Short and true. Once again you've portrayed a message well with relatively simplistic language. A good read, Moonxw!

<Delete post. Accidental repetition.>