Thread: She awaits

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Amazing. The content drew me in more than anything, but the pacing was also very great. With scarcely a touch of fancy language, you've produced something rather extraordinary. I love it.

Wow, this one seems pretty angry for you, Gumby! It's true—looks can be a drug, can sadly outweigh things like personality in the guaging of a partner (I assume the mistress is attractive).

You raise one of those age-old of mysteries: what happens to the promiscuous as time goes on? Oh—they're still there, from what I've seen. Pretending they're a lot younger than they are, and usually kidless. You see them in the bars (not that I'm a bar hound). This can apply to males as well as females, because I've known some real man-skanks. Awesome poem. The usual Gumby standard.

-cae

The narrator is very all-knowing in this. And with such a characterisation of a woman and the somewhat blunt generalisation of men, it almost seems a bit theatrical! I think I would like to know more about who the narrator is in this case.

The ending perspective sort of changes the theme of the piece, almost bringing compassion to the table. Yet if that is intended I'd say it's too unclear and so the perspective comes off as a little random.

The title implies not, but I was left wondering if she is an actual woman or the personification of something else, as "Fate" is.

Moonxw, thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate them.

foxryder, thank you for commenting. Yes, they are harsh words, but time is a harsh thing.

Caelum, you're a sweetheart! This isn't a real woman/mistress. I was trying to personify time and how cruel she can be.

Martin, it is a little theatrical and the narrator was a bit of an all knowing smarty pants. Still, I was speaking of time and not a real woman, though I see it didn't come across clearly. Thank you for reading and commenting my friend.

Olly, you are quite correct in that this was a personification, not a real person. The title was meant to suggest 'time' a little play on the saying, 'time waits for no man'. Thanks for reading.

Hi Gumby,

I really liked this - clear and concise. Reminded me of one of the riddles from the book of Exeter. I am assuming the answer to the riddle is 'time' who waits for no man (I maybe wrong though). I too loved the third stanza.

Thank you for a great read.

Love,

Firebird

Thank you Firebird. You are not wrong, and it does seem a bit like a riddle... intentionally.

Strange how the fickle and impatient, like fate and time, are depicted as women when as wives and mothers they are so often the one who is patient and loyal, maybe you should break the mould next time Gumby

Ha, ha! I've already been accused by someone on another site, as having changed their idea of time, from a man (Father Time) to a woman.

I don't Gumby going sexist against herself as feasible.

A fickle mistress,
she will bring no warmth
to your bed-
but clouds the mind
and vision of all men

Cindy, this had me wondering from start; "fickle mistress" . There seemed to be no corelation to "but clouds of the mind and vision of all men" if read literally. I read the whole literally, then again figuratively. And was firmly set on the latter. Good. You gave "Father Time" a vacation away from verse. Used so often, it can become trite.

Your metaphor for time as a woman was brilliant. You chose a scheme that gave you so much leeway with femine imagery, expecially in the second and third stanza.

A stunning piece yet so clever. Difficult to peg your best piece but this ranks so high! Laurie

I did actually think it might be a metaphor, but it seemed too characterized to be so, so I didn't really follow that thought. None the less it put a rather negative spin on 'time', neglecting sayings such as 'time heals all wounds' yet I'm sure it then accommodates others...

Hey Moonxw, thanks for the back up!

Laurie, thank you so much for commenting on this one, I always appreciate your take and opinion on things.

Martin, you are right that this is a negative take on time, and certainly didn't hit the kinder aspects of it. Ah well, I'll save those for another poem. Thanks again!

Cindy, my dear, I love this. A bit of a departure for you, yet still as exquisitely executed. S3 is to die for, literally, I guess. I haven't read all the comments, will do so asap. I just get the computer back and my son just comes home with a carload of groceries so off I must go, but I'll be back.