Thread: She awaits

aside from the great words, you painted an excellent image of the wicked woman.

Cindy, this is elegantly done and evokes a sense of mystery. The third stanza rocks, leaving me (always the critic!) wishing for a somewhat stronger ending, perhaps something a little more 'deathly'. The first stanza is insightful; we perpetually cloud our minds with thoughts of past or future. The use of 'men', though it plays on the title, may detract a little here, because of the implied exclusion of women. Did you consider using 'mankind' instead, or simply stopping at 'all'?

J.R.

Thank you J.R. and I've taken your advice and dropped the men from the first stanza. You just keep being the critic, as that's just what we need here.

That was just amazing. Incredible wording. It hit me especially hard because, sadly, that describes most of the women in my life. Can I ask if the fickle mistress is a person or a metaphor?

Hi Fox, thank you for the read.

I'm sorry to hear that your life is filled with such women. I've known a few women like that, too. I used her as a metaphor for time. Not the kinder aspects of time, but the cruel ones. Glad you enjoyed.

Originally Posted by Gumby

I'm sorry to hear that your life is filled with such women.

That's my fault. I always have to have the tall, beautiful, sexy ones, without considering their personalities or degrees of sanity.

Originally Posted by Gumby

I used her as a metaphor for time. Not the kinder aspects of time, but the cruel ones.

Ahhh! Brilliant - very creative! Well done.

Thank you.

Short, simple and well paced. As previously stated, the following stanza was especially astounding.

"Her lips are not pursed
for kissing-
they whistle down the hawk,
to snatch away your moments,
like vermin from the field."

I prefer this style of poetry more so than long fanciful writings. Well done. I believe every man encounters a woman like this someday in his life. I know I've met one.

Wow, I really really really liked this poem! I especially love poems that make you think over them, or re-read them a few times just to get everything you can out of them, and this did just that! I loved it

Thank you Ruby1120, those are very kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed this one.

Very, very nice Gumby! This would make great lyrics for a song too.

Thank you Recovery. Ah, another 'wicked woman' song, eh?

The metaphor is really graphic, Cindy. I think that this could be applies to a few things and that's not a bad thing at all.