Thread: A Clichéd Sonnet of Love

Yes, what could compare to a sonnet of love?

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Laying beneath an orange sun,
bearing peaches in gentle palm,
breaking skin with teeth and tongue,
patient for break of silent calm.

Lay a hand on tensing thigh,
blood plays music ‘neath your touch.
Ragged breath, poetic lies,
Hands gasping for flesh to clutch.

Leaves falling on twisted frames,
Throbbing muscles, tiring bones,
Symphonies halt; end of game,
Promise songs against the moans.

Come spring I’ll keep you in my heart,
‘Til winter winds tear us apart.

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Very clichéd, eh? Criticism - as always - is encouraged.

Nick, a cliche'? This is a one of a kind sonnet. I'm afraid to disappoint you but I have no critisizms. This poem you wrought in not only beautiful but exciting. You have managed to co-mingle that of love and the erotic seemingly effortlessly. One of my favorite lines:

blood plays music ‘neath your touch

How exqusite is this?!

You played with a bit of color in your first verse which was a great draw for me. And your ending, so tender.
I just adore this poem. Everything in its precise place. Poems from Nick...I want more! Laurie

Thank you, Laurie! I just cringed at the thought of a sonnet about love. I'm glad you didn't think it was cliché! You have boosted my confidence for sure, which can only be a good thing!

I enjoyed the fact that the attempt at cliche actually created something great. If it were truly a cliche it would not be so raw, so real but be full of soppy simile. Just a few things hat could be improved. First, the pentameter seems off in places and because the format is so traditional its worth really working it out. second:

Lay a hand on tensing thigh,

this line didn't seem as creative, as thoughtful as the others, perhaps it's just me.

Favourite line was

Promise songs against the moans.

the conflict of the two sounds but also the hint at a complementary relationship...yes, great.

I didn't find it cliched at all Nick! I can't speak to this form of poetry, only wanted to say that I loved this, and especially enjoyed the first two stanza's. Your word choices were wonderful.

I felt like I was in a play theatre while I read your piece. Exquisite style with a breathtaking flow! The pattern of love didn't come off as cliche to me. Those sensual lines had me going for a guilty read. Forgive me.

Great work, Nick. This is electric.