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Last edited by Gumby; 09-10-2010 at 04:10 PM.
Cindy, what a thoroughly engaging poemstory! I do get that good 'Ol Irish feel from it. Comes across very strongly. Your humour is delicious! My favorites:
Brilliant fun!
And then comes the ending. Never cross a strong Irish woman!he whisked her
off her feet
which, for a man
of Kelly's size
was no fait accompli
(Effie had to help him
though she tried to be discreet.)
Your humour is so well balanced here. Read so smoothy. Not off a beat! LaurieThe secret of their bliss
was that Effie
wore the britches
and O'Mally
learned to tow the line
unless he wanted stitches.
Last edited by SilverMoon; 08-07-2010 at 07:36 PM.
"Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light" Groucho Marxhttp://www.punksoulpoet.com/2011/04/inspired-by-the-artist-andrea-wch/#top"Emalyne"
http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF
"No Forgiveness for the Chrysalis"
Thank you Laurie, this is actually based on my grandparents, so lots of truths here.Glad you enjoyed.
I love how it feels so natural to read. Sometimes when you read a poem the rhymes can be forced, and the lines broken from trying to it a set number of syllables. Maybe the Limerick thread has helped you out here, because none of it felt broken, nor any rhymes forced.
I would say it flowed beautifully, but my head had to adjust to it because of the lack of punctuation on a lot of the lines. Where I felt a comma or a period was implied, it wasn't there:
I do love a good story in a poem, and the humour in this was wonderful. Excellently done, Gumby!No ribbons
for her curly hair
no perfume for her wrist
she wore her Daddy's
cast off clothes
Thanks SNS. This is an old one I took out and dusted off, I do believe you're right in that it could benefit from some punctuation here and there.![]()
I have bone to pick with you regarding the title warning, there isn't just one strong word in this piece, every last one of them is as strong as Grandma Effie herself and together they tell her tale exquisitely. A few more commas are in order as SoNickSays indicated, I guess us punctuationally (I made it up) challenged pals missed it first time around, but that by no means lessens how much I love this piece. This is one of my favorites of yours, Cindy, and it was a true pleasure to read it again. Gotta love Grandma Effie!
'...and O'Mally learned to tow the line unless he wanted stitches'. That part had me at a good laugh.
Here is another one:
'For if a boy reached through her guard, he met with Effie's fist...' I pity the boys that came along anyway. She was such a strong spine; a character that made me want to read all the way to the end of the poem
A well-penned story spiced with some bit of humor.
Last edited by Foxryder; 08-08-2010 at 12:32 AM.
Great fun and flowed nicely all the way through. Your use of commas, as well as where you chose to make new lines, didn't hiccup once for me. It was funny, too. Sounds like your grandma kicked some a#$, lol.
-cae
Let's see if my above post is deleted without explanation. Wouldn't be the first time.
Thank you Lisa, that's very sweet of you to say. You know punctuation and I are just now getting on speaking terms.
Foxryder, I'm glad you enjoyed this, it was fun to write.
Caelum, thanks for reading and commenting on this one. My grandma was one tough woman and could hold her own with most any man. She was one heck of a poker player too, but you had to watch her as she cheated.![]()
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