Thread: death, american style

the light
with the speed
the glow
etc etc you say
you dont say
collections
of forgotten lines
line-ups
walking from bar to
bar dark
little flickering
faces' laughter
collective sighs
yelling
defeat after a score
for spain

where we were once, wanderers
trapped in exploration
in a hallway in a weak
stageplay
dust caking our mouths
and then looking
in a mirror
looking like a forign
film mirror
with the likes of godard
who had a mirror once

i am pretty sure
a baby's ass of a
face and mirror facing
off before a flick
of a switch, of
a cigarette
of a shirt
a mustard stain

windy
we sit talking
hours about nothing but
the dates when brunch occurs
when morning ends
when gunshots ring
if guerrillas might sit in
the wind

collectively laughing
across bordering and distantly
bordering lands --
about old episodes of american
television shows from the 80s

ones that are only funny
after they are translated

so says the small woman
standing before me as i sit
at my desk in the room up
the stairs, make a left,
two doors down, into that
room, through that room,
and into the next

and there are memoirs
and memorabilia
to no end

fancy a travel?
fancy a moment?
fancy a tiny

sandwich?

Ha! Just finished reviewing this poem over at AA.

Quote:

Your poem reads like SOC "Stream of Consciousness" where your thoughts slide down the page with wonderful imagery, free and full of color. No need to connect the dots with this kind of poem. Some of my fav's.


dust caking our mouths


before a flick
of a switch, of
a cigarette
of a shirt
a mustard stain




fancy a travel?
fancy a moment?
fancy a tiny

sandwich?



Love the ending!

A much enjoyed read. Laurie

Love the title! Is it a play on the old tv show 'love american style'? As usual, you give me a lot to think about in connecting all the dots.

I might need a re-read!

Hi,

I really enjoyed reading this and liked the stanza construction and much of the phrasing in particular,

Is the total lack of capitalization intentional? I don't mind it, and have done it myself, but wonder if sparing use rather than, this stylized, none at all might help add emphasis here and there?

Very rusty at this but will attempt a full crit.

"dark
little flickering
faces' laughter"
Liked that image

"dust caking our mouths"
nice image but I didn't pick out the link to the connective lines, might easily be me..

"then looking
in a mirror
looking like a forign
film mirror
with the likes of godard
who had a mirror once"
Really nice

"a
face and mirror facing
off before a flick
of a switch, of
a cigarette"
Strong image delivered there too - I can clearly see this, the briefest of snapshots, here.

"of a shirt
a mustard stain" Really? why the stain? That jarred me a bit. Not sure what it added.

"windy
we sit talking
hours about nothing but
the dates when brunch occurs
when morning ends
when gunshots ring
if guerrillas might sit in
the wind"
No nits for me here - but like the other stanzas more

"collectively laughing"
Sounds disconnecting rather than intimate. Together, but only in a general sense.

"across bordering and distantly
bordering lands --
about old episodes of american
television shows from the 80s

ones that are only funny
after they are translated"
I liked this too, it feels familiar and real

"so says the small woman
standing before me as i sit
at my desk in the room up
the stairs, make a left,
two doors down, into that
room, through that room,
and into the next"
I didn't understand the link to this, but can see the image very clearly

"and there are memoirs
and memorabilia
to no end

fancy a travel?
fancy a moment?
fancy a tiny

sandwich?"

Great whimsical conclusion. Didn't quite understand "Fancy a travel?" though.

Thanks for sharing this. It made me think and I really hope you take my comments in the spirit in which they're intended...

ross

very cool. Now I want a sandwich