Thread: Musing of a Soon to be Mass Murderer

What happens when one's
wallet is empty?
Not the folded fine leather
sporting foul smelling paper,
but the one of flesh
that holds our humanity.
Decency cannot be stolen,
thus such loss can't be recouped.

Do bankrupted souls:
strangle puppies
run down playing children
with stolen cars
poison their parents
hunt the homeless for sport
target the elderly
or rape and pillage their village?

No need to prod a scholar,
current conditions are conducive
to enlightenment.
My account houses a goose egg,
all credit cards have been declined
and with a promising plink,
I just tossed my last shiny penny
into a sewer grate.
My pursuit of pauperdom is complete.

A bare billfold
does not spell the end
to those like me,
quite the contrary,
I'm just getting started,
a mental to do would do nicely:

steal a vehicle to save
wear and tear on tootsies
and make roadkill of a bunch of brats
pilfer priceless prizes of:
a flamethrower, most definitely
peeps on the barbie tee-hee
the scent of a crispy hobo
is surely a vast improvement
rat bait, Remington, eh, maybe two
a gross of Ramses, nah, nix that
what's some disease amongst enemies
no silencers for that weapon
then it's off to see my victims
make every stop on a dime
pound, adoption drive today only
playground, little league playoffs at two
old farts' home annual blood drive
facilitate donations sans syringes
sorority house
stick up the stuck up
and bag some gammas
Salvation Army, such savory irony,
find out how fast flesh afire
makes shoeless souls sprint
get home in time for Sunday supper
season the roast and surprise the folks
with a permanent relationship rupture

Since none know I'm coming,
I don't expect any cakes.

How handsome I look
in my chosen Mercedes' sideview.
Sculpted brows of razor slashes
add a splash of color
to lumps of lusterless coal,
and trusty smug tugs
at the corners
of a sardonic smile
in response to the reply
to my prior query:
all of the above,
final answer.

Pop goes the weasel
a few snips, a few twists
and viola
purr of my borrowed ebony baby
caresses my drums.
Lock your loved ones
up tight tonight;
the meek have reluctantly
relinquished their inheritance
to the impoverished.
Let the games begin
in a poor man's paradise.

Lisa, this is a bit of a departure from your work which had dark elements (and as you know I love the "dark".) The atmopshere of this piece is extraordinarliy gruesome! And this is a compliment.

To start:

What happens when one's
wallet is empty?
Not the folded fine leather
sporting foul smelling paper,
but the one of flesh
that holds our humanity.

Here, I believe, your talking about the real "money", the gold of our humanity. But, ha!, the minute I read "flesh" I thought of Jeffery Dahmer, given your title!


I liked your second stanza. The descriptions are "very" strong!

My account houses a goose egg,
all credit cards have been declined
and with a promising plink,
I just tossed my last shiny penny
into a sewer grate.

You haven't lost your touch for the "sly humour"



In S5, you have the Beat Poet thing going on. SOC "Stream of Consciousness" which can almost stand on it's own as a poem. I think it could fit in the poem but would be quite a challege. This is the one part that I think needs a strong "going over" without loosing that "beat" lanuage which I love. For instance:

steal a vehicle to save
wear and tear on tootsies
and make roadkill of a bunch of brats

A shining, dark moment!

a flamethrower, most definitely
peeps on the barbie tee-hee
the scent of a crispy hobo
is surely a vast improvement
rat bait,

So, "Beat"!

How handsome I look
in my chosen Mercedes' sideview.
Sculpted brows of razor slashes

You bring in the bad guy, amongst all the poverty. You needed this for contrast.

the meek have reluctantly
relinquished their inheritance
to the impoverished.
Let the games begin
in a poor man's paradise.

The perfect close!

A very engaging poem but think it needs a little tidy. Especially, S5. You fix that up and I will be bowing to you until I hurt my back! Lisa, a wonderful journey as always! Laurie

Wow!
I need to read this again.
Loved the addition of this stanza:

"Since none know I'm coming,
I don't expect any cakes."

Just wanted to reply straight away because I loved it, your dry dark wit is delightfully black. Great atmosphere indeed, well put Silver.
Will be back to say more at a later date.

Wow, this does paint a very bleak picture of bankrupted souls! And sadly, so much an everyday occurrence that the impact of each gets lost in the crowd. The human billfold's are indeed quite empty these days. Good job!

Dear Laurie, Now you know why I was hesitant to post this piece, but the damn thing wouldn't let me be until I did. After two weeks of not being able to write anything else because I kept going back to this, I capitulated. I'm so long in replying because I was trying to tidy it up, especially S5, but success eludes me. I need some space. S5 is a big problem, it's my first attempt at SOC and it sucks. Too much detail methinks. When I put Mr. Psycho's shoes on, it just kept growing and growing. The whole thing needs to be pared, but it will have to wait. I've grown to detest this monster, both piece and killer, it's been nothing but a headache. I'm thinking I should stop all the experimenting I've been doing. I'm elated it was gruesome, that's exactly what I was going for, that and the distant and smug manner of my looney. In that respect, I don't think it's a complete flop. You're doll for such an in depth.


Dear C.Curtis, I am honored at your reply, in a perfect world, it is my dream response to this one. You took away what I had hoped for, and while it needs work, it elates me to see my efforts were not completely in vain. I look forward to any opinions and/or suggestions you may have for improving my monstrosity. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this one, I truly appreciate your time.


Dear Cindy, Good job is music to these ears, love. Studies show that one in four human souls are bankrupt. I explored the thoughts of one pauper, too fearful to poke around in the minds of more than one. Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm glad it worked for you despite its obvious faults.

I can't thank you enough, guys, I know this one wasn't easy to get through and I appreciate you sticking with me. You're the best.

Warmest,
Lisa