Thread: Oh Joy

Treasure in the trash.
Two saltines never touched
by human hands
pristinely packaged;
proudly displaying
a factory seal.
Filthy fingers fidget
as saliva sprays past
blackened stumps
in anticipation of a rare delicacy:
fresh crackers. Oh joy!

Up, up, and away,
lovely little arrow
pointed heavenward.
Tasty tip turned
into food for thought.
They cooked up a deal
which served a feast of funds
for swift deposit.
Brokers get a bonus. Oh joy!

Eyes squeezed tight
as she counts seconds.
At one hundred twenty
she dares a peek.
Sign of an addition,
plus one, maybe more.
The last affordable procedure
has staying power. Oh joy!

Breath held as a friend
looks over his shoulder,
the envelope, please.
Paper slides ever so slowly
into sight, no red, no red, no red,
is chanted by a chorus circling
both boys bathed in summer sun.
Not a single scarlet letter.
Vacation here he comes. Oh joy!

Flatline...clear...again...clear...
monitor's steady wail starts to hiccup.
Pulse thready but gaining strength.
Chest tubes in, hemorrhage dribbles out,
lungs inflate, table waits
on the third floor,
gowned servers at the ready.
Man-made lightning strike
restores rhythm. Oh joy!

Presents delivered in differing degrees
in a wide array of wrapping
yet equally titillating
to all recipients.
Guess what does it for me,
I'll give you a hint:
you've gifted me your eyes. Oh...

Joy certainly comes in many different packages, doesn't it? From a tossed pack of crackers to a heart starting jolt of power. I loved how you started with what most of us would consider trash. That really puts perspective on it. And what a lovely way to think of peoples poetry, a gift that allows you to see through their eyes. That's just neat. The gift that keeps on giving, huh? Loved it!

Lisa, pardon me but my quote box isn't working for some reason, so we'll have to work it this way until resolved. Cindy pretty much put your poem in perspective so I'll site a couple of my favorite lines.

Flatline...clear...again...clear...
monitor's steady wail starts to hiccup.

I'll give you a hint:
you've gifted me your eyes. Oh...

Your compassion comes through in this poem as in many of yours. You strike on what I often do and that write about The Nature of the Human Condition. So, I'm kind of partial!

A very poignant poem. Laurie

"Treasure in the trash." - Right from the start it's a great line.

"Filthy fingers fidget" - Here's a line to fall in love with.

"in anticipation of a rare delicacy:
fresh crackers. Oh joy!" - I see someone grew up poor.

"Tasty tip turned
into food for thought." - I like this. The placement of this line in the stanza seems a bit odd to me.

"Eyes squeezed tight
as she counts seconds." - You might want to think about introducing the she a bit earlier. Maybe not, but this made me pause and start over again.

"Sign of an addition" - This line also made me pause.

"Breath held as a friend
looks over his shoulder,
the envelope, please.
Paper slides ever so slowly
into sight, no red, no red, no red,
is chanted by a chorus circling
both boys bathed in summer sun.
Not a single scarlet letter.
Vacation here he comes. Oh joy!" - I read this stanza many times. It was confusing for a while. The more I read it the more it made sense.

Flatline...clear...again...clear... - Is this where you use an ellipsis? I have a tough time remembering.

"monitor's steady wail starts to hiccup." - Hiccup is a great description.

"Guess what does it for me,
I'll give you a hint:
you've gifted me your eyes. Oh..." - Sorry to say I'm not a fan of this ending. You break from the rest of the poem and speak directly to the reader. At least that's how I read it.

I read this many times. It was good. A few times I really had to focus to understand what you were saying, which can be good and bad. No need to simplify things here as it is well written. As far as the repetition goes, it wasn't bothersome at all, which can be tricky when it comes to repetition. I do like that it was at the end of each stanza and not standing alone, that might have bothered me. Terrific poem.

Dear Cindy, Adorable pup. Elated you enjoyed, love. I almost nixed the cracker stanza, thought it might have been too extreme, I'm glad to see it works. It always amazes me to see what makes people happy, I find the differences both astounding and enlightening. I had hoped that "you've gifted me your eyes" would be perceived two ways. As you said, the ability to see through the eyes of other poets through their work is a great gift, and my initial intention. After I wrote it, I realized it could also mean that it is a gift to be read by others. Maybe I just read too much into it, but you can't blame a girl for wishful thinking.


Dear Laurie, Both compassion and poignant are great compliments, love. We seem to see quite a few things from the same angle and I am so pleased you enjoyed this piece, even if I kept darkness at bay.


Dear Whitaker, Christmas in July, it's always a great pleasure when you come a knockin'. Happy you liked those lines, especially filthy fingers fidget. We weren't poor but rather reasonably comfortable. As a child and again as an adult, I befriended a few homeless people with whom I shared much conversation and whatever food I could gather. Their appreciation for the things we take for granted was a lesson well learned and one I am grateful for having received. S2 was a royal pain in the butt and it's still not exactly what I want after changing it at least ten times. It's still awkward, but I need some distance to rework it. In S3 I think the she is okay, but maybe I'm nuts. Sign of an addition was intended to make the reader think, the entire stanza is abstract, and geared more toward the ladies. The addition sign means you're pregnant with an EPT test. Initially I actually had included in vitro but that was too much of a give away so out it came. S4 was also a bit abstract, glad it made sense after a bit. I'm no ellipsis expert, but they are used for different reasons. In this instance I used them to reflect a passage of time. I'm glad both you and Laurie liked hiccup, I am very fond of that one myself. I'm sorry you're not too crazy for the ending. I've been trying different things lately and this piece is a bit strange. Perhaps I should change that stanza so that it doesn't address the reader directly. Since we're all poets here, I thought it would be well received, maybe I was being a bit too cutesy. In any case, I'll take terrific any day, and I still love when you pop in. You question things and having to explain keeps me on my toes and makes me realize what is weak and should be avoided.

My sincere thanks to all, your time is precious and I am honored that you share it with me.

All my best,
Lisa

I had hoped that "you've gifted me your eyes" would be perceived two ways. As you said, the ability to see through the eyes of other poets through their work is a great gift, and my initial intention. After I wrote it, I realized it could also mean that it is a gift to be read by others. Maybe I just read too much into it, but you can't blame a girl for wishful thinking.

Funny you should say that, as it was where my brain immediately went. Followed closely by the second interpretation. So it's certainly more than wishful thinking, it worked.

Dear Cindy, You're a peach for letting me know. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I agonize over how my pieces will be perceived, and even though the duality was essentially an accident, it made me happy, like buy one get one free sales. That it actually works, makes me even happier. Thank you, love.

All my best,
Lisa