Thread: weather/whether

she turns her face to the sky
tinging the air
with the familiarity of looking in-
to a mirror

(and so she looks)

it is her she sees
in the leaking turmoil
of cloud chasing cloud
endless cycle strewn out
across the constant sea-sky

it is her she feels
in the stone-willed wind
rushing to sweep obstacles up
and into its volatile volition

it is her she is
in the glorious light
fleeing through the blessed errors
of the blotting jailer-clouds
(and her also
in those same constricting clouds
which imprison the innocent sun)

it is her life
she reflects
rendered for any/every
prying eye to gaze at
but none to understand.

YWKM, Interesting, I just posted my first nature poem including the human element which I see you've also done here and very effectively. But here you went the "existential" route where I did not. And that you tackled the ongoings in the sky is a wonderful metaphor for this girl/woman exampled (one of many) by:

it is her she sees
in the leaking turmoil
of cloud chasing cloud

And a "cloud chasing cloud" is splended imagery. And don't they do it?! You've nailed this uninquely.

A couple of my favorites I have to throw in"stone-willed wind " How often do we hear "harsh wind". Trite and boring. This is marvelous!

it is her she feels
in the stone-willed wind

Back to the clouds, again. This brings up emotion for me. Not that I've ever been jailed!

of the blotting jailer-clouds

The last stanza. You can see and read anything into me but you will never "know". Pogniant and a good wrap up.

I don't know what to say about the lack of puncuation here. In SOC "Stream of Consciouness" writing there's little need for it. But as your not writing SOC I don't know what to suggest because your poem does look neat and tight. Maybe, someone else can shed some light.

Excellent! Laurie

Thank you! Yes I do tend to dislike descriptions that are too overly used to be moving.

Hmm....SOC sounds familiar, I suppose I do know the type of poem you mean.

I got the inspiration from this picture in a picture prompt contest. It really was quite a beautiful picture...very inspiring.

Some very good imagery in this one, Laurie has already mentioned my favorites. When I look at the picture, I can see how it inspired these beautiful words.

Appreciated
The picture really is magnificent

I echo! A stunning picture which easily evokes emotions!

Is there any problem with the rhythm though? I showed it to a friend of mine, who told me it was non-existent. I can't quite see it myself though. Is there any chance you could show me what she meant?

I don't see a problem with the rhythm, the only place that gives me the slightest hiccup is the first stanza, last line. If you put a break in it, I think it would flow smoother. Other than that, I didn't have any difficulty with it's flow.

Ah, right you are. Thank you Gumby

Do you feel this is better? I broke the word into to create a break after in. It seems to create a greater feeling of introspection.